Avoiding the D-word, Part IV

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

Safeguard #3: Know who your enemy is… and who it’s not.

"Do you renounce Satan and all his works and all his pomps?"

Yup, I’m talking about Satan again.  Marriage is a battlefield, but not in the way a lot of people think.  Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re going head-to-head against your spouse, like they’re your opponent, even your enemy.  After all, they are the one you may disagree with, argue with, get annoyed at, feel hurt or disappointed by, etc.  But the truth is your spouse is not the enemy.  Rather, in the Bible, it’s always Satan who is the enemy.  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but […] against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).

I’m not saying you should never have conflicts with your spouse.  That’s not a realistic expectation, and in fact I think couples grow closer by working out their differences… but together, not against each other.  Don’t try to win arguments, be the one who’s Right, or be the one who has the last word.  “But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife” (2 Timothy 2:23).  Remember that Satan “walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter 5:8).  Stop and recognize those fights for what they are: Satan trying to devour your marriage through contention and discord.

Think of it this way: Whenever you respond to your spouse in anger, whenever you cut down your spouse with your words, whenever you distance yourself from your spouse, whenever you refuse to fulfill your own role in the marriage, you’re just giving Satan a stronger foothold to bring your marriage down.  So if you want to resist Satan and ultimately defeat his attacks on your marriage, reconcile your differences with your spouse as quickly as possible:

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27)

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” (Colossians 3:12-14)

I know, the things these verses tell us to do can seem absolutely impossible when we’re upset, hurt, or angry.  But remember that verse in James?  “Therefore submit to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (4:7).  The truth is when we submit ourselves to doing things God’s way and we relinquish our pride, our wills, and our emotions to Him, He gives us the wisdom, humility, and strength to do the right thing – to be loving, kind, and reconciliatory to our spouses – even when we otherwise don’t feel like it and don’t feel like we can do it on our own.  But once we do, Satan will flee from us and we will have the victory in reclaiming our marriage, one squashed fight at a time.

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.  For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.” (Galatians 5:16-18)

Continue on to Avoiding the D-word, Part V, or re-read Part I, or Part II, or Part III.