Are Bikinis Biblical?

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

* I published my first draft of this blog post two years ago.  I shared it just once on Facebook but barely drew attention to it because I was afraid of offending someone.  So basically I wrote it, posted it, and then pretended that I didn't. 🙈 But from time to time, I've felt convicted about not following through with my initial conviction to write about this topic.  So I finally decided to revisit this post, make some revisions, and repost it, this time without fear or apology.

My primary reason for writing this post is to share God's heart on the topic of modesty, based on what the Bible says.  I do not wish to shame anyone but rather encourage women and parents who are raising girls into women: 

1. to honor their bodies with modest clothing and thereby honor the God Who created them;
2. to reject a culture and fashion industry that seeks to expose, exploit, and consume female sexuality at younger and younger ages;
3. to reset modesty as the standard for beauty, in accordance with the Bible.

Thanks for reading!

I haven’t written a blog post in a long while, but I always knew what my next post would be once I had the time to write it.  It’s a bit of a touchy topic, but all I want to do is look to what the Bible says and hope that it encourages others to align their lives a little more with the Word of God.

With that said… Class, today we’re going to talk about modesty.

Again, this topic has been on my mind and heart for such a long time, and I think it’s because as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed less and less consistency and unity among Christian women and girls as to what modesty looks like.  Or perhaps for some, modesty isn’t even on their radar as needing to be a concern at all.

Um, so what? you might think.  Every woman should dress however she wants.  As long as all the important parts are covered, who cares?

Well, it turns out God does.  And the Bible actually has a lot to say about it.

Did you know one of the themes in Scripture is the dichotomy between being clothed and being naked?  Ever since the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden, the Bible associates honor with being clothed.  Conversely, it repeatedly and consistently associates shame with nakedness:

“I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.”  (Revelation 3:18, emphasis added)

“Then the Lord said, ‘Just as My servant Isaiah has walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and a wonder against Egypt and Ethiopia, so shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians as prisoners and the Ethiopians as captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt.’”  (Isaiah 20:3-4, emphasis added)

“For you shall no more be called
Tender and delicate.
Take the millstones and grind meal.
Remove your veil,
Take off the skirt,
Uncover the thigh,
Pass through the rivers.
Your nakedness shall be uncovered,
Yes, your shame will be seen[…].” (Isaiah 47:1e-3a, emphasis added)

“‘Behold, I am against you,’ says the Lord of hosts;
‘I will lift your skirts over your face,
I will show the nations your nakedness,
And the kingdoms your shame.’” (Nahum 3:5)

“Behold, I am coming as a thief.  Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame.”  (Revelation 16:15)

Okay, got it.  Clothing is good.  Nakedness is bad.  But you don’t see anyone walking around literally naked these days.  Again, if all the important parts are covered, then what’s the problem?

Well, the first problem is when we look to the Bible for technicalities to justify our decisions and behavior.  Follow me with this for a second:

I didn’t lie; I just didn’t tell the whole truth.

I didn’t steal; I just didn’t give back the free item they gave me by mistake.

Technically, we didn’t have sex; we just fooled around.

My bikini covers everything important, so it’s not like I’m actually naked.

But when Jesus talks about right and wrong in the Bible, He talks about it in a way that goes beyond behavioral technicalities.  In fact, He corrected that very thinking:

“‘You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.”  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.’”  (Matthew 5:21-22a)

“‘You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not commit adultery.”  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”  (Matthew 5:27-28)

First and foremost, Jesus looks to the heart and whether or not the heart is submitted to the Lord in obedience with the desire to honor and please Him.  When that is in place, then we aren’t looking for that figurative line to cross or not to cross.  In other words, we’re not looking for what we can get away with and tell ourselves we’re technically still okay (i.e., we’re not sinning).

I believe this is why there is so little consistency and unity among Christian women and girls as to what modesty looks like.  There’s no Bible verse that dictates how much of a woman’s body should be covered for her to retain her honor.  Neither is there a verse that quantifies exactly how much skin must be showing to qualify as nakedness.  On that technicality, a Christian woman can dress pretty much however she wants and justify her appearance to herself as being acceptably modest.  But consider Proverbs 21:2:

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
But the Lord weighs the hearts.”

This is the framework I believe we need to start with when exploring this topic: evaluating whether or not our hearts are submitted to doing the Lord’s will over our own.  Our own wills may want to dress ourselves or our daughters in a way that keeps up with current styles and trends, regardless of modesty.  But the Lord has always called His children to be set apart from the world, including as it concerns our physical bodies:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:1-2)

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.  And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”  (1 John 2:15-17)

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God[…].”  (1 Thessalonians 4:1-5)

So let’s recap a bit… According to the Bible, here’s what we know:  Being clothed is honorable.  Nakedness is shameful.  We are to present our bodies sacrificially and in a way that is holy and acceptable to God.  We are not to conform to the world.  We are not to indulge the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes.  We are to possess our bodies in sanctification and honor, unlike people who don’t know the Lord.

Okay, so given the Scriptures we’ve looked at, what reasonable parameters can we set to define modesty or lack thereof?  I’m going to suggest a couple general principles that I think are worth considering and applying together:

Clothing that conceals more nakedness than it reveals is modest.  Conversely, clothing that reveals more nakedness than it conceals is immodest.

Worldly styles that indulge the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes – in other words, revealing clothes that are likely to tempt another person to lust sinfully – are immodest.

Here's a question I think all parents of daughters should ask: “Where do I want other people's eyes to go when they look at my daughter?”  It's no secret that human eyes are drawn to exposed skin.  It's why the pornography industry exists, right?  And we can't ignore the despicable reality of pedophilia.  As parents, it is our job to protect our children, as much as it is within our power, from even being the objects of perverted thoughts, whether from pedophiles or from peers.

So consider this: If your daughter's wearing a low cut top, eyes are going to seek out her cleavage.  If your daughter's wearing a cropped top, eyes are going to be drawn to her exposed stomach.  If your daughter's wearing short or tight shorts, no doubt eyes are going to follow her bottom.  If your daughter's wearing the short, formfitting bodycon style of dress that seems to be so popular with high school girls these days (think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman), you can bet other people's eyes are going to be roaming over every curve of her body and every inch of her legs.  Am I being too explicit for comfort?  I hope so.

What about swimsuits?  (Yup, you knew it was coming.)  Swimsuits reveal more of the human form than pretty much any other type of clothing.  And bikinis in particular show as much nakedness as underwear.  Well, what does the Bible say about swimsuits?  Okay, that was a trick question.  The Bible doesn’t say anything about swimsuits.  The fact is the Bible simply does not give loopholes to make public immodesty okay.  In the Bible, nakedness is nakedness, and nakedness is to be covered up except in times of privacy or intimacy.  This means regardless of warm weather, regardless of being around water, regardless of participating in certain activities or sports, we are still to present our “bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God” (Romans 12:1b), and we still are not to be “conformed to this world” (Romans 2:2a).  The world may say to be comfortable in your own skin and not worry about covering up.  The world may say to wear whatever makes you feel good about yourself.  The world may say to be proud of your body and show it off.  But that’s not what the Bible says.

But if God created our bodies, then how could it be shameful to show them off?  Why should we hide them?  It’s because God created our bodies that we are to treat them respectfully, with honor and great esteem.  That means the bodies God carefully and lovingly designed are not to be cheapened by cavalierly putting them on display for all to see, but rather covered modestly and kept private.

“And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need.”  1 Corinthians 12:23-24a

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?  For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

So what are we supposed to wear when we go swimming?  The great news is in today’s world there are so many shopping options available to us, including companies whose sole mission is to create modest clothing for their consumers.  For swimwear, I recommend checking out Calypsa and Lands’ End.  It may require thinking a bit outside the box from the modern worldly format we typically imagine when we think of a swimsuit, but if you stop and think about it, you can really swim or do water activities in almost anything.  There are swim dresses, swim skirts, swim shorts, even swim pants for crying out loud.  Be your own fashion designer.  Yes, you can do it.

But I will stand out if I don't wear a traditional swimsuit.  I won't look like everyone else.  Exactly.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:2)

So there you have it.  In the beginning, I mentioned this was a touchy topic.  I think it’s because no one likes being told what to do, including how to dress.  Also, if we learn we’re not following the Bible or honoring the Lord, then it means we might be convicted to change how we dress, and maybe we like our style and don’t want to give it up.  It’s my hope that we would all consider this issue with humility and prayer, as godly women who want nothing more than to please our Heavenly Father and make ourselves beautiful in His sight, which goes even deeper than the clothes we wear:

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”  (1 Peter 3:3-4)

I also hope we would look to the bigger picture of the Gospel, and respond to God’s heart for us with love and joyful submission:

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,
My soul shall be joyful in my God;
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” (Isaiah 61:10)

Five Words All Wives Need to Be Okay with Saying (and All Husbands Need to Be Okay with Hearing)

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a small group of women, two of whom had just quit their full-time jobs and were transitioning into either working part-time or solely at home.  I immediately related to these women because just a year and a half ago, I decided to quit my own job and become a stay-at-home wife.  (You can read all about why I did it HERE.)

These women brought up questions and feelings that I myself had pondered a year and a half ago and, if I’m being honest, sometimes still struggle with to this day.  Questions like, “Is it smart or fair to make my husband the sole breadwinner for our family?  Will I be contributing enough to our household without a paycheck?  Should I be doing more?  What will people think?”  Feelings of insecurity, guilt, and fear.  I was happy to address concerns like these and share some of my own experience and insight with these women, but after our conversation ended, I felt like there was still so much more I had to say on the subject.

But before I do, I want to give the disclaimer that I’m writing this post for women who are struggling under the pressure and burden of working an outside job AND being a good wife/mom AND running a household AND maintaining their health and their family’s health AND having a sparkling personality and top-notch attitude all at the same time.

If you’re a woman who is handling all of that like a champ and doesn’t mind and feels that her marriage is strong and happy and her kids are thriving, then hey, keep doing what you’re doing.  But if you’re like I was a year and a half ago, and you don’t feel like you’re handling everything all that great, or at least one of those areas in life is kind of unraveling (or YOU are), then I simply want to share with you that there may be a better way.

I have to admit it wasn’t until I got married that I became passionate about the topic and concept of womanhood.  Even though I didn’t get married until I was 28, I never really felt like a Woman until that point.  I always felt like I was just a girl when I was single.  But when I got married, I suddenly felt very grown-up and womanly in my role as a wife.  Of course, there’s the fun and romantic aspect of being a wife, hanging out with your husband and being all, “I’m so in love with you!!!”, but then there’s also the unavoidable everyday life stuff, the “taking-care-of-business” part…

I don’t know that I can say this about every woman, and maybe my perspective is skewed by growing up with very strong, very domestically skilled Russian women in my family, but my observations and experience have led me to believe that women tend to have this unique instinct that impels them to automatically and continually assess what needs to be done in the home… and then get it done (e.g., “Do we have enough food in the house for the week?  What meals can I make with what we have on hand?  Do we have clean clothes for the week?  It’s time to wash the bedding again.  The bathroom’s getting pretty bad; it’ll have to be cleaned this week.”)  Basically, my observations and experience have led me to believe that women are usually the ones who keep things running smoothly (and clean!) at home.

Again, I don’t know that I can say this about every man, but as a woman who has now lived with a father, a brother, an uncle, a male cousin, a male family member, and a husband, my observations and experience have been that men generally do not have this same instinct.  When it comes to home life, I’ve observed, men are mostly content to let things go until something requires immediate attention (e.g., “I’m hungry and there’s nothing to eat so I’ll order a pizza,” or “I have no more clean underwear so I guess I’ll have to do some laundry,” or “The hole in my pajama pants has gotten really big; I should get some new ones soon.”)  Women, on the other hand, try to prevent things from getting to that point.

In a study performed just last year, the Bureau of Labor Statistics confirmed my assessment by revealing that, year after year, women continue to do considerably more cooking and housework than men, even though most married households are dual-income.  For these reasons, in my previous post on this subject, I refer to married women and mothers who work full-time as working “double-duty.”

In other words, married women and mothers who work full-time put in the same hours at an outside job as their husbands (assuming their husbands also work full-time), but then come home and do the lion’s share of the cooking and housework, and often grocery shopping, running errands, and parenting-related tasks as well.  Therefore, women who are wives and mothers and who work full-time jobs tend to work significantly more hours in a week than their husbands.

I wasn’t alive when the feminist anthem “I’m a Woman” came out and was made famous by Peggy Lee back in 1962, but I remember watching Vonda Shepard, Lisa Nicole Carson, and Jane Krakowski perform a powerful version of it on Ally McBeal in the 90s.  Here’s a clip of the song with lyrics so you can read (or sing) along:

Impressive, right?  “I can rub and scrub this old house ’til it’s shinin’ like a dime; feed my baby, grease the car, and powder my face at the same time.”  Then there’s the famous commercial from the late 70s for the perfume, Enjoli, which included some new lyrics:

“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man.”  These songs depict a woman who cleans, cooks, and gets her errands done no problem; she makes herself look nice; attends to all her man’s needs; she earns money, pays the bills, and still manages to have money left over at the end of the month.  And she doesn’t even require more than an hour of sleep at night!

Aside from the catchy tune, I find this song pretty ridiculous.  And yet, it contains a concept of womanhood that, however exaggerated in the song, has been heavily propagated down through the decades, to the point where we still feel its effects today.  Well, here’s a fun little fact for you: “I’m a Woman” was not written by a woman at all but by two men, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller.

So this concept of the woman who can do it all – work an outside job, clean, cook, take care of children, go grocery shopping and run errands, manage the finances well, and be an attentive, attractive, and sensual wife who still has the time and inclination to go out and have fun (instead of choosing to take a nap!) – was created by… MEN.  This is not a real woman, people; it is a fantasy that two men invented from their imaginations.

When we turn to the Bible, it is interesting to note that women are never charged with the responsibility of providing financially for their families.  Rather, after the Fall in the Garden of Eden, God told man that he would be cursed to work for provisions all the days of his life, while woman was cursed with severe pain in childbearing and the struggle in accepting her husband’s leadership (Genesis 3:16-19).

In the New Testament, Apostle Paul admonishes men, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).  Also in the New Testament, Apostle Paul relays to Titus that he wants the older women to teach the younger women “to love their husbands, to love their children,” to be “keepers at home” (KJV) and “managers of their households” (ISV) (Titus 2:4-5).

According to the Bible, practically speaking, the primary responsibility of husbands is to work and provide for their families, and the primary responsibility of wives is to care for their husbands and children and manage their households.  When either partner does not fulfill their role and take care of their responsibilities, dysfunction and strife are not far behind.  This is because it forces the other partner to compensate by taking on an additional role and responsibilities.  (Think about the hardship a man puts his wife and children in if he is lazy and does not work or contents himself with doing the bare minimum in a dead-end job.  Think about the frustration a woman causes her husband and the insecurity she makes her children feel if she’s not taking care of their needs, making sure they have regular meals to eat and appropriate, clean clothing to wear.)

Why this difference in callings for men and women?  I believe it’s because neither men nor women can handle both areas of life simultaneously very well.  One area or the other will always be compromised to some extent because it’s a heavy burden to place the responsibilities and stress of both a work life and a home life on one marriage partner.  I also believe God gave men and women each the primary role that they were best suited to handle.

This is not to say that women can’t do more than cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing.  This is not to say that men can’t handle domestic tasks.  However, it is interesting to note what it says in Genesis after the creation of man:

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’  […]  And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.  Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”  (Genesis 2:18, 21-22)

From the very beginning, God acknowledged that man wouldn’t do very well on his own.  Men need help; they need the skillset that women bring to the table.  Proverbs 18:22 says it another way: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

This is simply to say not one of us, man or woman alike, can do it all, and dividing up the workload according to the Biblical design may very well prove the most efficient and peaceful way to run a household and maintain a happy marriage.  I know that’s been the case for Ethan and I, and a great many of our friends and family as well.

My point is not to suggest that women who work outside the home are doing something wrong or are bad wives and mothers.  Not at all.  My own mom was a working wife and mother.  Even the Proverbs 31 woman worked on the side and generated income.  My point is to convey that God did not create women with the intention or expectation that they bear the burden of working double-duty, and I want women (and men, for that matter) to recognize that society’s expectations of women are both unrealistic and unfair.  I hate that so many women have been deceived into believing they should be able to do it all, only to feel bad when they struggle under the pressure or feel that they’re failing in some respect… or feel guilty if they’re not “doing it all.”

In Ephesians 5, men are told “to love their own wives as their own bodies,” by nurturing and cherishing them; and that “he who loves his wife loves himself” (28-29).  Again, God created men with the primary responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for their wives and families.  As much as is in our control, I believe we as women need to step back and let them.  For a lot of women, this starts by being okay with saying and communicating to their husbands, “I can’t do it all.”

Again, I’m not saying that all married women and mothers should stay home and not work outside jobs.  For many, this is simply not an option.  And there are women who choose to have jobs and careers they find gratifying, which I think is great insofar as it doesn’t compromise their primary role as wife and mother.  But I do think we all need to question whether our lifestyle #1) actually reflects our priorities, and #2) is the best thing for everyone in the family.

I also want to say this: I’ve spent a lot of time discussing the “taking-care-of-business” part of being a wife and running a household because it’s the necessary, practical, visible work that can most directly compare with an outside job’s responsibilities and tasks (though I barely even touched on the work involved when it comes to taking care of children and parenting!).  But hopefully every woman knows there is so much more to being a wife than the physical work.

Being a wife means being responsible for someone other than yourself.  The truth of the matter is when you’re married, you’re only doing as well as your partner is.  It doesn’t matter if you’re both adults who previously managed yourselves fine on your own.  Marriage is about putting your partner first, helping each other, taking care of each other’s needs, and supporting each other.  When you focus on taking care of your partner and building them up, you’re enabling them to do the same for you.

Specifically, though, what does this look like for wives?  Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”  It’s interesting the distinction made in this verse, that husbands are to love their wives while women are to respect their husbands.  This doesn’t mean the converse doesn’t also apply, but the wording suggests that it is of primary importance for wives to show their husbands respect, even more than love.

What happens when a man doesn’t feel respected by his wife?  He might get angry, he might look for that feeling of respect from somewhere or someone else, or he might give up trying to earn respect altogether.  Any one of these scenarios results in serious problems, if not disaster, for the marriage.

For the record, from what I’ve observed, men who fill the role of sole provider for their family maintain a very real, even primal sense of masculine pride, especially when their work and provision is received with respect and gratitude by their wives and families.  In turn, those men are much more happy, loving, and attentive towards their wives and families.  This is not surprising if you look at marriage from a Biblical perspective and understand it to be a symbiotic relationship where a wife’s respect incites a husband’s love and a husband’s loving devotion and provision fosters a wife’s respect.

I bring up the wife’s role in relation to her husband because it is often the first thing that suffers when a wife is overworked, stressed, and tired – the all too common result of working double-duty.

Marriages don’t maintain themselves.  Wives need to listen to their husbands, encourage and praise them, and treat them with respect, love, and affection.  This is super hard for wives to do when they’ve already given everything they’ve got to getting kids ready in the morning and dropping them off at daycare or school, to working an outside job, to fighting traffic and picking up kids from daycare or school, to getting groceries in the fridge and dinner on the table, to helping kids with homework and baths, to washing and folding laundry, to walking the dog, watering the garden, and shaving their legs.

Somewhere, something has to give.  So do you allow your marriage to continue on as is and hope it survives?  Do you try to convince yourself, “The kids are all right.  This is just a phase.  They’re resilient.”?  Do you go to your doctor and get a prescription for Prozac or Xanax?  Again, we need to question whether our lifestyle #1) actually reflects our priorities, and #2) is the best thing for everyone in the family.

One final verse I want to leave you with, and it’s a sobering one:

“The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”  (Proverbs 14:1)

Are you the wise woman or the foolish woman?  How are you handling the areas of life you’re responsible for as a wife and mother?

If something in your home life is amiss, I encourage you to be the wise woman and focus on making the necessary changes to repair the damage and build your house back up.  If this means talking with your husband about making changes to your lifestyle, I again encourage you to be brave enough and humble enough to admit that you can’t do it all.  What’s more, give yourself some grace and remind yourself that God doesn’t expect you to.

What Will Your Family Legacy Be?

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

Cranston in AMC's Breaking Bad

Recently, I watched an episode of Who Do You Think You Are? featuring the actor Bryan Cranston.  For those of you who don’t know, Who Do You Think You Are? is a reality show that takes celebrities back through their family trees to learn more about their ancestors and origins.  Most episodes are interesting because they share historical context as they reveal information about the celebrities’ ancestors, but the episode on Bryan Cranston fascinated me for another reason.

The show began with Cranston sharing about how his father had walked out on his family when Cranston was only 11 or 12 years old.  It was an entire decade before Cranston even saw his father again.  As a result, Cranston really didn’t know much about his father’s side of the family and wanted to learn more.  Through the course of the show, Cranston discovered that not only did his father walk out on his family, but his grandfather and two times great grandfather abandoned their families during their respective generations as well.  In the end, Cranston learned that his father’s side of the family had a legacy of dishonorable men who abandoned their families and refused to provide for them.

This particular show made an impression on me because Ethan and I had just recently discussed at length the concept of family legacies.  We had both identified patterns of behavior handed down through generations in our family lines that we had already decided we did not want to continue in our life together and future family.  This is not to say that we couldn’t find any positive legacies in our family lines, but we were forced to acknowledge that sometimes the bad had a far greater impact throughout the generations than the good.

Of course, when I begin to analyze an issue or significant topic like this, my mind automatically goes to The Bible for a comparison, an explanation, or perspective in general.  I do this because I know The Bible to be God’s Word and entirely reliable for truth and wisdom.  In this case, my mind immediately went to the books of Kings in the Old Testament, which chronicle the entire history of Israel’s kings from 971 to 561 B.C.

"Are you a good king or a bad king?"

When you go through the books of Kings, you basically find two kinds of people: good kings and bad kings.  As most people know, kingship back then was to be handed down from father to son.  And when you read 1 Kings and 2 Kings, you see that far more often than not, the bad kings (bad men/fathers) begot other bad kings (bad men/fathers).  To me, this illustrates how easy it is to establish patterns of bad behavior (or sin, in other words) within a family and to propagate that legacy down through the generations.

To provide a little background information, Israel became a divided kingdom after the reign of Solomon.  Even though Solomon started out as a good king, in the end his heart turned away from the true and living God to worship the false gods of his many foreign wives, and he did not keep what the Lord had commanded (1 Kings 11:1-13).  For this reason, God raised up Solomon’s servant, Jeroboam, to rebel against Solomon and eventually reign as king over 10 of the 12 tribes of Israel; however, because of the covenant God made with David, God would allow David’s descendants to continue to reign over the remaining two tribes, collectively called “Judah” (1 Kings 11:26-39).  Therefore, after Solomon’s reign, there were actually two lines of kings – one for the northern kingdom (Israel) and one for the southern kingdom (Judah), until Israel was taken into captivity by the Assyrians in 722 B.C. and Judah by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.

What I love about the books of Kings in the Old Testament is how straightforward they are.  Virtually every time a new king is introduced, the author lets you know right away if he was a good king or a bad king.  One of two phrases is used to describe each king as a ruler: Either the king 1) “did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, as did his father David” (1 Kings 15:11), or the king 2) “did evil in the sight of the Lord, and walked in the way of [his father/mother and/or Jeroboam (who set the precedent as the first truly bad king of Israel)]” (1 Kings 22:52).

For the record, what did God consider evil?  2 Kings 17:7-23 gives a vivid and complete account of Israel’s sins, but most notably the Israelites built high places, pillars, and wooden/molded images as idols to worship the false gods of the surrounding nations.  One of their worship rituals was to sacrifice their children by fire to Molech, the god of the Moabites.  They also practiced witchcraft and soothsaying.  Basically, they rebelled against God and turned to everything but Him for guidance and help.

Now, during this period, Israel’s line of kings were basically all bad, but Judah’s line of kings had a little more of a mix.  Even still, of the 20 kings that consecutively reigned over Judah, there were only eight God considered good.  And of those eight, even though they “did what was right in the eyes of the Lord,” six of them are mentioned with a negative little side note:

“However the high places were not taken away, and the people still sacrificed and burned incense on the high places.” (2 Kings 14:4)

Even though there were these bright spots of good kings in the line of David, most of them still allowed provision for sin, both for their descendants and for the people of Judah.  Though they had the opportunity, these good kings didn’t completely rid their future family line of the sins that their ancestors had participated in for generations, starting with Solomon.  And this proved to be a huge fail for the kings of Judah just as it had for the kings of Israel, as ultimately God punished both Judah and Israel for their stubborn rebellion, idolatry, and wickedness by allowing them to be conquered and taken captive by enemy nations.

All right, so what does all this mean and what can we learn from it?

First of all, I want you to stop and think about your own family legacy.  What sins have held your family captive over the years?  Can you identify patterns of sin and/or bad behaviors that you want to keep from continuing on down your family line?  Sin causes disruption and pain in what would otherwise be a functional, happy family.  Look for the pain, and you will likely find sin at the source.  Consider the following:

• Abortion
• Abusive behavior
• Adultery
• Alcohol abuse
• Anger
• Arrogance
• Criticism
• Dishonesty
• Disrespect
• Divorce
• Drug addiction
• Financial irresponsibility
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Laziness
• Manipulation
• Materialism
• Neglect
• Parent absenteeism
• Pornography addiction
• Profanity
• Rebellion
• Selfishness
• Sexual immorality
• Stubbornness
• Workaholism

Secondly, we need to acknowledge that the legacy of any sin in a family is passed down by parent to child.  Children learn by instruction, but they learn so much more by example.  Kids will adopt behaviors that they see and attitudes they hear.  Children also learn behaviors by what they can get away with.  If bad behaviors go unchecked, forget about it.  The Bible gives the following instruction for parents:

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

The Bible teaches that, for better or worse, if you train a child to go a certain way when they are young, they will continue to go that way when they are old.  This is great news if you are training your kids to be obedient, respectful, thankful, compassionate, and responsible people, but this is obviously bad news if you are training (allowing) your kids to be disobedient, disrespectful, covetous, self-entitled, selfish, and/or reckless.  How can you tell what you are training/allowing them to become?  Well, look at them.  What do you see?

All right, so let’s say you’ve identified some sinful family characteristics that you want to put an end to once and for all.  Or you see some behaviors or attitudes you don’t like seeing in your children, or maybe even in yourself.  Or you strongly desire to create an entirely new, absolutely glowing legacy for your family.  How do you do it?

When God initially sent a prophet to tell Jeroboam that God was going to take away ten of the tribes of Israel from Solomon and give them to Jeroboam to rule over, He also said this:

“Then it shall be, if you heed all that I command you, walk in My ways, and do what is right in My sight, to keep My statutes and My commandments, as My servant David did, then I will be with you and build for you an enduring house, as I built for David, and will give Israel to you.” (1 Kings 11:38)

That is a powerful promise right there!  God gives Jeroboam explicit instructions on how to build a strong, successful, and long-lasting legacy for his family.  But this promise was by no means unusual or unique to Jeroboam.  In the Old Testament, God regularly tells Israel that if they will simply obey Him, then blessings for them and their families will follow:

“Therefore know this day, and consider it in your heart, that the Lord Himself is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other.  You shall therefore keep His statutes and His commandments which I command you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which the Lord your God is giving you for all time.” (Deuteronomy 4:39-40)

“Observe and obey all these words which I command you, that it may go well with you and your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 12:28)

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days.” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

Sadly, neither Jeroboam nor Israel cashed in on God’s promises but instead turned away from Him and did whatever they wanted:

“Yet the Lord testified against Israel and against Judah, by all of His prophets, every seer, saying, ‘Turn from your evil ways, and keep My commandments and My statutes, according to all the law which I commanded your fathers, and which I sent to you by My servants the prophets.’  Nevertheless they would not hear, but stiffened their necks, like the necks of their fathers, who did not believe in the Lord their God.” (2 Kings 17:13-14)

It always gets me how some people are so adamantly against God and obeying His instructions in The Bible.  I wish more people would realize that when they go against God, they lose every time.  I get it: Most people don’t like being told what to do, but here’s the thing… God created us and the world we’re living in and the moral code by which we will be most happy and emotionally healthy and successful.  So when God says in His Word to obey Him and to turn away from our sinful desires or inclinations, it is literally for our own good.  It’s always when we reject God’s way and chose our own way that things fall apart.  As the Lord spoke about the nation Israel, so He would say about anyone and everyone who doesn’t follow Him:

“Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever!” (Deuteronomy 5:29)

So.  What will your family legacy be?  Maybe you already have a solid, happy, God-honoring legacy in your family.  If that’s the case, humbly thank God for it and purpose with all your heart to continue it.  My guess, though, is that most people can think of at least a couple sinful family patterns they’d like to keep from affecting their children and future generations.  I encourage you to take some time to meditate on this and to ask God for help to start anew with you and your family.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert.”

(Isaiah 43:18-19)