My Happiness Project

I’ve been feeling very introspective lately.  I guess there are a few reasons for this.  I just turned 30 last month, so I think I’m naturally inclined to examine my life at a milepost like this and evaluate where I am in relation to where I want to be.  Also, I quit my job almost two months ago, which automatically created a clearer distinction between who I am and what I do.  Lastly, I recently had a friend recommend a book to me that turned out to be a perfect guide through what I’d like to call my 1/3-of-the-way life crisis.  (I’m being dramatic.  I’m actually very happy and nowhere near a crisis.  Moreover, I have no intention of living to 90.)  The book is called The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, and I very much recommend it – especially if you’re interested in improving your overall well-being and you’re ready to make some changes in your life.

The book is not written by a self-help guru but a 30-something lawyer-turned-writer who decided she wanted to get more out of life by maximizing her happiness.  Rubin performed months of research, exploring happiness from many different approaches (e.g., philosophy, psychology, popular opinion, Oprah), and then she applied what she learned by examining her life and evaluating aspects of it that either contributed to or detracted from her happiness.  Based on this information, Rubin created resolutions in twelve different areas of her life (Energy, Marriage, Work, Parenthood, Leisure, Friendship, Money, Eternity, Passion, Mindfulness, Attitude, and overall Happiness).  For each area, she spent one month focusing on the resolutions she’d created to improve her happiness in that area so that, theoretically, she would have increased her comprehensive happiness in a year’s time.

I can’t imagine duplicating what Rubin came up with in terms of the length of her project, but her efforts have inspired me to become more proactive about my own happiness.  All too often, I am my own worst enemy, thwarting my happiness or directly causing my unhappiness.  [I find comfort in knowing Apostle Paul struggled with this very thing: “For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:15).]  For example, I know that I would feel happy if I lost weight.  I also know that baking and eating chewy peanut butter cookies will not help me lose weight.  And yet, when I get that sweet tooth in the evening, what do I end up doing?  The exact thing that will keep me from being ultimately happy.

By the way, this is one huge truth I have learned over the years but have to continually remind myself: Instant gratification is a liar.  It speaks to us, “Do this and you’ll feel good.”  We obey this voice and maybe we feel good initially, but it’s not the kind of feeling good that lasts.  It’s not happiness.  And in fact, more often than not, instant gratification not only doesn’t bring happiness; it brings unhappiness.  As the sweet peanut butter taste fades from my mouth, feelings of guilt take over.  I’m mad at myself for my own weakness and frustrated knowing that I just set myself further back from my goal.

The point is, I have the power to affect my happiness, whether for the good or the bad.  We have our current levels of happiness based on a number of factors, some of which we have little to no control over (genetics, “age, gender, ethnicity, marital status, income, health, occupation, and religious affiliation”) but there is room to increase our happiness if we work at it a bit (Rubin,Gretchen. The Happiness Project.  New York: HarperCollins, 2009, pg. 6).  I realize the irony of that last statement, but it’s true.  Anything worth having in life requires, at the very least, hard work and sacrifice.  Why should happiness be any different?  If my happiness is tied to my physical fitness, then I need to establish a pattern of denying myself those things that will reduce my fitness and doing the things that will increase it.  If my happiness is tied to my marriage, then I need to do my part to contribute to my relationship with my husband and not do or say things that will harm it.  If my happiness is tied to a certain passion or interest, then I need to work out a way to include it in my life, even if not in the ideal way that I desire.  These aspects of happiness are up to me and the work that I put in.

While Rubin was working to identify her resolutions for the year, she noticed a pattern of similarities in the types of resolutions she wanted to make, and she ended up distilling them into a list of principles she dubbed her “Twelve Commandments.”  On her blog, she encouraged her readers to create their own “Twelve Commandments” and share them with her.  I’m still working on defining my resolutions, but for now I created my own Twelve Commandments to get started.  I admit I stole a couple from the book and then came up with the rest on my own.  What would yours be?

My Twelve Commandments

1.      Be Taisa.

2.      “Be still, and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46:10)

3.      Identify the problem.

4.      Wherever you are is a great place to start.

5.      Do the thing you’re avoiding; If you can’t get out of it, get into it; Do the next right thing.

6.      Make yourself uncomfortable: “If you don’t get uncomfortable, nothing is going to change.”  (Jillian Michaels)

7.      This is not an emergency or a tragedy.

8.      Feeling down?  Focus on someone or something other than yourself.

9.      Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

10.   Don’t let fear have the final word.

11.    In all things, give thanks.

12.  “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.”  (L. M. Montgomery)