What Will Your Family Legacy Be?

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

Cranston in AMC's Breaking Bad

Recently, I watched an episode of Who Do You Think You Are? featuring the actor Bryan Cranston.  For those of you who don’t know, Who Do You Think You Are? is a reality show that takes celebrities back through their family trees to learn more about their ancestors and origins.  Most episodes are interesting because they share historical context as they reveal information about the celebrities’ ancestors, but the episode on Bryan Cranston fascinated me for another reason.

The show began with Cranston sharing about how his father had walked out on his family when Cranston was only 11 or 12 years old.  It was an entire decade before Cranston even saw his father again.  As a result, Cranston really didn’t know much about his father’s side of the family and wanted to learn more.  Through the course of the show, Cranston discovered that not only did his father walk out on his family, but his grandfather and two times great grandfather abandoned their families during their respective generations as well.  In the end, Cranston learned that his father’s side of the family had a legacy of dishonorable men who abandoned their families and refused to provide for them.

This particular show made an impression on me because Ethan and I had just recently discussed at length the concept of family legacies.  We had both identified patterns of behavior handed down through generations in our family lines that we had already decided we did not want to continue in our life together and future family.  This is not to say that we couldn’t find any positive legacies in our family lines, but we were forced to acknowledge that sometimes the bad had a far greater impact throughout the generations than the good.

Of course, when I begin to analyze an issue or significant topic like this, my mind automatically goes to The Bible for a comparison, an explanation, or perspective in general.  I do this because I know The Bible to be God’s Word and entirely reliable for truth and wisdom.  In this case, my mind immediately went to the books of Kings in the Old Testament, which chronicle the entire history of Israel’s kings from 971 to 561 B.C.

"Are you a good king or a bad king?"

When you go through the books of Kings, you basically find two kinds of people: good kings and bad kings.  As most people know, kingship back then was to be handed down from father to son.  And when you read 1 Kings and 2 Kings, you see that far more often than not, the bad kings (bad men/fathers) begot other bad kings (bad men/fathers).  To me, this illustrates how easy it is to establish patterns of bad behavior (or sin, in other words) within a family and to propagate that legacy down through the generations.

To provide a little background information, Israel became a divided kingdom after the reign of Solomon.  Even though Solomon started out as a good king, in the end his heart turned away from the true and living God to worship the false gods of his many foreign wives, and he did not keep what the Lord had commanded (1 Kings 11:1-13).  For this reason, God raised up Solomon’s servant, Jeroboam, to rebel against Solomon and eventually reign as king over 10 of the 12 tribes of Israel; however, because of the covenant God made with David, God would allow David’s descendants to continue to reign over the remaining two tribes, collectively called “Judah” (1 Kings 11:26-39).  Therefore, after Solomon’s reign, there were actually two lines of kings – one for the northern kingdom (Israel) and one for the southern kingdom (Judah), until Israel was taken into captivity by the Assyrians in 722 B.C. and Judah by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.

What I love about the books of Kings in the Old Testament is how straightforward they are.  Virtually every time a new king is introduced, the author lets you know right away if he was a good king or a bad king.  One of two phrases is used to describe each king as a ruler: Either the king 1) “did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, as did his father David” (1 Kings 15:11), or the king 2) “did evil in the sight of the Lord, and walked in the way of [his father/mother and/or Jeroboam (who set the precedent as the first truly bad king of Israel)]” (1 Kings 22:52).

For the record, what did God consider evil?  2 Kings 17:7-23 gives a vivid and complete account of Israel’s sins, but most notably the Israelites built high places, pillars, and wooden/molded images as idols to worship the false gods of the surrounding nations.  One of their worship rituals was to sacrifice their children by fire to Molech, the god of the Moabites.  They also practiced witchcraft and soothsaying.  Basically, they rebelled against God and turned to everything but Him for guidance and help.

Now, during this period, Israel’s line of kings were basically all bad, but Judah’s line of kings had a little more of a mix.  Even still, of the 20 kings that consecutively reigned over Judah, there were only eight God considered good.  And of those eight, even though they “did what was right in the eyes of the Lord,” six of them are mentioned with a negative little side note:

“However the high places were not taken away, and the people still sacrificed and burned incense on the high places.” (2 Kings 14:4)

Even though there were these bright spots of good kings in the line of David, most of them still allowed provision for sin, both for their descendants and for the people of Judah.  Though they had the opportunity, these good kings didn’t completely rid their future family line of the sins that their ancestors had participated in for generations, starting with Solomon.  And this proved to be a huge fail for the kings of Judah just as it had for the kings of Israel, as ultimately God punished both Judah and Israel for their stubborn rebellion, idolatry, and wickedness by allowing them to be conquered and taken captive by enemy nations.

All right, so what does all this mean and what can we learn from it?

First of all, I want you to stop and think about your own family legacy.  What sins have held your family captive over the years?  Can you identify patterns of sin and/or bad behaviors that you want to keep from continuing on down your family line?  Sin causes disruption and pain in what would otherwise be a functional, happy family.  Look for the pain, and you will likely find sin at the source.  Consider the following:

• Abortion
• Abusive behavior
• Adultery
• Alcohol abuse
• Anger
• Arrogance
• Criticism
• Dishonesty
• Disrespect
• Divorce
• Drug addiction
• Financial irresponsibility
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Laziness
• Manipulation
• Materialism
• Neglect
• Parent absenteeism
• Pornography addiction
• Profanity
• Rebellion
• Selfishness
• Sexual immorality
• Stubbornness
• Workaholism

Secondly, we need to acknowledge that the legacy of any sin in a family is passed down by parent to child.  Children learn by instruction, but they learn so much more by example.  Kids will adopt behaviors that they see and attitudes they hear.  Children also learn behaviors by what they can get away with.  If bad behaviors go unchecked, forget about it.  The Bible gives the following instruction for parents:

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

The Bible teaches that, for better or worse, if you train a child to go a certain way when they are young, they will continue to go that way when they are old.  This is great news if you are training your kids to be obedient, respectful, thankful, compassionate, and responsible people, but this is obviously bad news if you are training (allowing) your kids to be disobedient, disrespectful, covetous, self-entitled, selfish, and/or reckless.  How can you tell what you are training/allowing them to become?  Well, look at them.  What do you see?

All right, so let’s say you’ve identified some sinful family characteristics that you want to put an end to once and for all.  Or you see some behaviors or attitudes you don’t like seeing in your children, or maybe even in yourself.  Or you strongly desire to create an entirely new, absolutely glowing legacy for your family.  How do you do it?

When God initially sent a prophet to tell Jeroboam that God was going to take away ten of the tribes of Israel from Solomon and give them to Jeroboam to rule over, He also said this:

“Then it shall be, if you heed all that I command you, walk in My ways, and do what is right in My sight, to keep My statutes and My commandments, as My servant David did, then I will be with you and build for you an enduring house, as I built for David, and will give Israel to you.” (1 Kings 11:38)

That is a powerful promise right there!  God gives Jeroboam explicit instructions on how to build a strong, successful, and long-lasting legacy for his family.  But this promise was by no means unusual or unique to Jeroboam.  In the Old Testament, God regularly tells Israel that if they will simply obey Him, then blessings for them and their families will follow:

“Therefore know this day, and consider it in your heart, that the Lord Himself is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other.  You shall therefore keep His statutes and His commandments which I command you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which the Lord your God is giving you for all time.” (Deuteronomy 4:39-40)

“Observe and obey all these words which I command you, that it may go well with you and your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 12:28)

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days.” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

Sadly, neither Jeroboam nor Israel cashed in on God’s promises but instead turned away from Him and did whatever they wanted:

“Yet the Lord testified against Israel and against Judah, by all of His prophets, every seer, saying, ‘Turn from your evil ways, and keep My commandments and My statutes, according to all the law which I commanded your fathers, and which I sent to you by My servants the prophets.’  Nevertheless they would not hear, but stiffened their necks, like the necks of their fathers, who did not believe in the Lord their God.” (2 Kings 17:13-14)

It always gets me how some people are so adamantly against God and obeying His instructions in The Bible.  I wish more people would realize that when they go against God, they lose every time.  I get it: Most people don’t like being told what to do, but here’s the thing… God created us and the world we’re living in and the moral code by which we will be most happy and emotionally healthy and successful.  So when God says in His Word to obey Him and to turn away from our sinful desires or inclinations, it is literally for our own good.  It’s always when we reject God’s way and chose our own way that things fall apart.  As the Lord spoke about the nation Israel, so He would say about anyone and everyone who doesn’t follow Him:

“Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever!” (Deuteronomy 5:29)

So.  What will your family legacy be?  Maybe you already have a solid, happy, God-honoring legacy in your family.  If that’s the case, humbly thank God for it and purpose with all your heart to continue it.  My guess, though, is that most people can think of at least a couple sinful family patterns they’d like to keep from affecting their children and future generations.  I encourage you to take some time to meditate on this and to ask God for help to start anew with you and your family.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert.”

(Isaiah 43:18-19)

The Real War on Women

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

A couple months ago, Ethan and I watched the latest Taken movie with Liam Neeson.  (What are we on now… Taken 3?  Taken 5?)  Normally, I’d feel bad giving a spoiler, but this movie has been out of theaters for a while now and isn’t very good anyway, so I don’t think anybody will care.

In this movie, Liam Neeson’s daughter “Kim” finds out she’s pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby and eventually builds up the courage to tell her father.  In the last scene of the movie, Liam Neeson’s character, being the cool, progressive dad that he is, gives Kim the politically correct, boiler plate line that he will support her on whatever her decision is – meaning, he will support her whether she decides to abort the baby or carry the baby to term.  Kim of course then smiles and tells him that she is going to have the baby and name her after Kim’s mother.  Everyone is happy about this decision and the movie ends.

For the next ten minutes, Ethan remained on the couch and listened patiently to me as I lectured on the hypocrisy of Hollywood for espousing pro-choice ideology while simultaneously not having the nerve to actually follow through with it on screen.  What do I mean?  This particular angle in the movie was a clear example of liberal mainstream media’s brazen push of pro-choice sentiments, followed by typical cowardly and contradictory action.

The standard storyline follows: Woman finds out she’s pregnant.  Woman has the choice to abort or have the baby, and both choices are presented as acceptable.  BUT even though each choice is equally acceptable, Woman chooses to have the baby virtually every time.  This customary, “soft” ending belies the pro-choice ideology that mainstream media otherwise regularly promotes.  In other words, if choosing to abort a baby were truly as acceptable as delivering the baby at full term, then why don’t we see both scenarios played out equally as often?  In fact, as I shared these thoughts with Ethan, several other examples of Hollywood favoring birth over death immediately came to mind:

In the movie, Juno, Ellen Page’s 16 year old character finds out she’s pregnant and goes to an abortion clinic to “nip it in the bud,” according to her own words.  But when she gets there, she runs into a classmate who is protesting alone outside.  The classmate’s words have an effect on Juno, especially the idea that her baby already has fingernails, and Juno leaves the clinic, resolving to have the baby and put it up for adoption instead.

On season four of Downton Abbey (again, sorry if this is a spoiler, but if you haven’t gotten into Downton Abbey yet, then you have only yourself to blame), Edith discovers she’s pregnant with her married boyfriend’s child.  Edith decides to abort the baby, makes an appointment at a secret abortion clinic, but then ends up backing out at the last minute, much to her aunt’s relief.  Together, Edith and Aunt Rosamund hatch a plan to travel in the future months so that Edith can carry and have the baby without anyone knowing and then give the baby up for adoption.

Rachel’s pregnancy on season eight of Friends was of course big news at the time.  Even though Rachel is single and easily could opt to terminate the baby in favor of having a child at a more opportune time in her life, she chooses to have the baby.

On season five of Frasier, Roz finds herself in the exact same situation as Rachel.  Unmarried, Roz faces crisis when she discovers she’s pregnant but, again, ultimately decides to keep the baby and raise it herself.

The last example I’ll give is an interesting one.  Towards the end of Ally McBeal’s first season, Georgia takes a pregnancy test that turns out positive.  Though Georgia is happily married to Billy at the time, she’s also in the middle of building her career as a lawyer and doesn’t feel it’s the right time to start a family.  Almost verbatim, Billy delivers the same lines to Georgia that Liam Neeson’s character gives Kim in Taken 3 – that he’ll support her on whatever her decision is.  The underlying message is that even though Billy’s the father, he doesn’t have a say because it’s a matter of Georgia’s body and therefore her decision to make.  Georgia makes it a point to tell Billy that she’s pro-choice, but that she couldn’t imagine getting an abortion knowing it’s his baby inside her.  She decides to keep the baby.  Later, she finds out the first test gave her a false positive, so she wasn’t pregnant after all.

Now why am I sharing these examples and suddenly going off about the hypocrisy of liberal mainstream media?  Because I want the real story to be told.  If Hollywood is going to promote the pro-choice stance, then I want Hollywood to follow through and write realistic pro-choice endings to their stories.  I want Juno to have the abortion at the beginning of the movie so we can watch how a 16 year old deals with the aftermath of that decision.  I want Edith to have the abortion and see how happy she is once her “problem” is solved.  I want Rachel and Roz to get their abortions and find out how they go on with their lives as normal.  I want Georgia to get the abortion and learn how it affects her and her marriage with Billy.

But Hollywood isn’t writing those stories.  Oh, I’m sure there are some out there, but at this point it seems for the most part that even Hollywood knows abortion is not a happy ending.  Abortion brings with it psychological trauma, devastation, shame, guilt, depression, and regret, and who wants to talk about that?  And so, Hollywood still aims to promote a woman’s right to choose, but then lets its women characters off the hook by making sure they choose life over death.  If only so many women in real life were as lucky to have someone looking out for them like that.

My heart has been so heavy these past several weeks as one by one these Planned Parenthood (PP) videos have been released, exposing PP doctors and executives as they casually discuss aborted babies like they were animal carcasses and the (illegal) sale of baby body parts.  Graphic pictures and videos have also surfaced of aborted babies, even of physicians and medical staff poking at and identifying baby body parts in laboratory dishes with tweezers.  It doesn't get any sicker than that.

But what upsets me the most right now, aside from the unfathomable number of innocent lives that have been extinguished by abortion, aside from the horrendous abortion procedures and protocol used, and aside from the callous attitudes of the PP doctors and executives in the videos, is the subsequent outcry of blind, unwavering support from PP advocates.  Now, this doesn’t mean that I’ve actually heard any of them defend the subjects in the PP videos.  It seems even PP supporters on some level know there is no defense to be made.   Instead, what I’ve heard are the following pathetically flimsy protests:

• The videos are highly edited.
• The release of these videos is just another tactic of conservatives to attack PP.
• This is a matter of taking away women’s reproductive health care.
• This is another example of the war on women.

When I read or hear these protests (you can’t even call them arguments), I’m tempted to shout back and refute all the dumb, senseless claims.  But then I realize there’s no point.  So many of these people have been and are still mindlessly swallowing down whatever mainstream media dishes out, and then later regurgitating whatever they’ve been told are the correct views to have.  And then there are the people who sincerely believe in a woman’s right to choose abortion.  I’ll be honest: I’ve always had a hard time trying to understand them and their side of this issue.  But when I stop and follow the issue back to its roots, it becomes simple.

For decades now, women have been taught that being a woman means being independent and self-sufficient.  Being a woman means making her own decisions and not being accountable to anyone but herself for those decisions.  Furthermore, women have been taught that being a woman means being free physically, to be sexually active at whatever time she “feels ready” and with whoever she wants, and that no one can tell her what to do or what not to do with her body.  I obviously wasn’t born during the women’s liberation movement, and yet I have received its messages from movies and TV and magazines, and I see its effects around me.

You want to talk about a war on women?  The real war on women starts with young women.  The real war on women is not teaching women to value themselves and respect their bodies.  The real war on women is correlating a woman's value with her level of sex appeal to men.  The real war on women is talking about sex like it’s not a big deal.  The real war on women is presenting sex like it’s an inherent aspect of womanhood, regardless of marital status.  The real war on women is presenting sex like it’s a required component of romantic relationships, again regardless of marital status.  The real war on women is teaching women that they can use their sexuality to get what they want, which is usually love, affection, and attention.  The real war on women is presenting sex like it’s the same thing as love.

I know, it’s so old-fashioned and prudish of me to knock sex outside of marriage.  Today’s society is way past the idea of it being wrong or even taboo.  But here’s what I see happening: I see women trying to play a game with an entirely different set of rules, and they’re losing.  I see single women who are operating under these delusions that having sex empowers them or makes them free or gets them what they want when nothing could be further from the truth.

The Bible teaches that sexual immorality (for the purposes of this article, I’m focusing on sex between two unmarried people) is not just a sin against God but it’s a sin against one’s own body, that sexual immorality defiles the body and compromises the spirit (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).  And I believe all women who give away their virginity before marriage feel this on some level, at least initially.  I knew a woman who had a chaotic home life as a child and who grew up rebellious and promiscuous but became a Christian as an adult.  She told me that she never knew a single girl who didn’t admit to crying after giving up her virginity.  Why is that?  Because it’s a sin against the body, and that registers in one’s spirit and soul.  When this happens, the woman is not empowered but left vulnerable because she has compromised herself in the most intimate way, and more often than not with someone who doesn’t truly value her and who will only be a temporary part of her life.

Not only have women been led astray to believe that they can and should become sexually active as soon as they “feel ready” and that their sexuality empowers them, they have also been taught that they have the right to get rid of any consequences that may happen as a result.  Women have been assured that pregnancy is nothing more than a mass of tissue that can be easily expelled, should it be unwanted or an inconvenience to a woman’s life.  But all this amounts to is trying to cover up one sin with another.

No matter how the media and Planned Parenthood and pro-choice advocates try to twist the facts and diminish the legitimacy and sanctity of even the smallest life, we must not allow ourselves to lose our sensitivity to what we know is right.  The Bible is clear on these points: God is the author of life, life begins at conception, and no one has the right to extinguish innocent life.  David, the psalmist and king of Israel, declares,

“For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.” (Psalm 139: 13-16)

The prophet Jeremiah also reveals,

“Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:

‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;

Before you were born I sanctified you;

I ordained you a prophet to the nations.’” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

Even Job in his misery acknowledges,

“Did You not […] clothe me with skin and flesh,

And knit me together with bones and sinews?

You have granted me life.” (Job 10:10-12)

By now, I’m sure someone reading this may be wondering, “But what about women who become pregnant from rape or incest?  They don’t fall into the category of ‘sexual sin.’”  No, they do not, and I can’t begin to imagine the devastation and horror a woman would feel upon learning that such a traumatic experience resulted in pregnancy.  But do the circumstances of a pregnancy make the termination of a baby’s life any less a sin?  Not according to the Bible:

“These six things the Lord hates,

Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:

A proud look,

A lying tongue,

Hands that shed innocent blood,

A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that are swift in running to evil,

A false witness who speaks lies,

And one who sows discord among brethren.” (Proverbs 6:16-19)

“If men fight, and hurt a woman with child, so that she gives birth prematurely, yet no harm follows, he shall surely be punished accordingly as the woman’s husband imposes on him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.  But if any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.” (Exodus 21:22-25)

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days.” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

The following two clips are of women who are abortion survivors.  Each woman was aborted during her mother’s pregnancy, and each miraculously survived.  These women have voices, but almost didn’t.  And they are using their voices and their testimonies to fight the real war on women.  Because ultimately, the real war on women is teaching women that the only rights that matter are their own.

P.S.

If you are a woman who has had an abortion and repented of it, please know that this post is not intended to tear open old wounds.  This post is simply a matter of speaking Biblical truth about a current issue with the hope that people’s eyes would be opened and their hearts changed if they do not see this matter through God’s eyes.  If I have upset you, I sincerely apologize and offer this comfort:

“For as the heavens are high above the earth,

So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father pities his children,

So the Lord pities those who fear Him.

For He knows our frame;

He remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:11-14)

Reflections on Robin Williams’ Death

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

Robin Williams died one year ago today.  Even though I didn't know him personally, I grieved when I learned of his death.  All I could think was, “I hope he was saved.  I hope he was saved.”  Shortly after, I was moved to write the following article.  Today, on the anniversary of his death, I’m posting it again with the hope that his death will inspire eternal life in others.

•     •     •

By now, everyone has been hearing the same kinds of things in the news and reading the same kinds of things online that I have about Robin Williams’ death.  There’s the unanimous sorrow over losing such a talented, beloved actor and entertainer.  There’s certainly the shock over losing someone who seemed to have such a happy and buoyant spirit, and who brought so much joy and laughter with his larger than life performances.

I’ve read the comments that grieve the effects of mental illness and depression; I’ve read the posts that cry out against suicide and the selfishness that it entails.  I’m usually hesitant to write about things that have already been so widely written about, especially in such a concentrated amount of time, but as I have not yet heard or read something similar to my reaction to this recent news, I feel a need to put it out there.

First off, yes: I was shocked and heavily burdened by the news of Robin Williams’ death.  I feel a little silly being affected by the death of a celebrity, but Robin Williams just did so much good with a lot of his movies.  Mrs. Doubtfire, Hook, Aladdin, Jumanji, Patch Adams... These were all movies from my childhood.  Each one had heart and significance.  My parents also had a VHS tape of Mork & Mindy episodes when I was growing up.  I loved watching Robin Williams pretend to be Julia Child in the kitchen.

I particularly remember the episode, “Mork Meets Robin Williams.”  Robin Williams comes to town to do a comedy show, and people start noticing that Mork looks a lot like him.  In the end, Mork and Mindy meet him, and Robin Williams reveals to them the lonely reality of being a celebrity.  He confesses that he feels an insatiable need to please everyone by constantly delivering what they want from him.  I’ve always wondered whether that episode was randomly scripted by TV writers or whether it was in fact somehow suggested or inspired by Robin Williams himself.

But even more than the shock and sadness I felt over losing someone who still had so much more life to live and talents to share, I felt deep concern.  Along with all the emotions and opinions people have been sharing about Robin Williams’ death, they’ve also been spreading mindless fabrications of Robin Williams’ current, after-life state.  Comments suggesting that he’s now “free,” or “in a better place,” or even the wish that he “rest in peace.”  But let’s be real: Just because someone we like dies does not mean that they’re moving on to a better place.

Truly, it’s a nice – even natural – thought.  Someone dies who we love or think is a good person, so we naturally like to think that he or she must be going on to enjoy a pleasant afterlife.  And I understand the desire to pull something positive out of something tragic and sad.  Or to want someone you love to still somehow be a part of this world even after death, maybe by “looking down on us” or having some kind of invisible presence with us or influence over us.  But just because we want something to be true doesn’t make it so.

Now, I don’t mean to suggest at all that I have any sort of informed opinion as to where Robin Williams’ soul is now.  I do know that he’s in one of two places, but I won’t pretend to know Robin Williams’ spiritual state while he was on this earth.  What I do know is this:  Where Robin Williams is spending eternity entirely depends on his spiritual state while he was on this earth.

So what would it have taken for Robin Williams to now be spending eternity in “a better place,” namely heaven?

Would it have been enough if he claimed to be “a spiritual person” while he was alive?

Would it have been enough if he believed in God?

Would it have been enough if he had been raised going to church, if he had been baptized as an infant, if he affiliated with a church as an adult, if he regularly attended church services?

Would it have been enough if he was considered “A Good Person,” treated people with love and kindness, and gave money to charities?

According to the Bible, the answer to all of these questions can only be no.  The Bible says there is no one who does good, not one (Psalm 14:3, 53:3, Romans 3:10).  Romans 3:23 acknowledges that

“all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Isaiah 64:6 puts it this way:

“But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags.”

Take a second and look at that last Scripture again.  It’s saying that even the BEST that we have to offer – all the good things that we do, all the nice qualities that we have, all the positive thoughts in our heads and love in our hearts – is nothing more than filthy rags to the Lord when we offer ourselves to Him on our own merits.  God is so perfect and holy, we can NEVER be good enough for Him on our own; we can NEVER be good enough to spend eternity in His presence in heaven when we are so marred by our sinful humanity.

Thankfully, God did not leave us destitute or forsaken.  Everyone knows John 3:16:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

But few people know the verses that come right after:

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.  He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.  And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.  For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”  (John 3:17-20)

What do these verses say?  By nature, we have a tendency to do whatever it takes so that the bad things we do and think and feel are not exposed.  We try to hide our sin or ignore it or justify it so it won’t seem so bad.  And some people love their sin – including their pride – more than they desire eternal life.  They don’t want to be told that they’re wrong or bad or that they are accountable to someone else for their actions.  But even without exposing or confessing our sins, we’re not getting away with anything; we’re not fooling God.  He knows what our sins are and He knows that they’re exactly the thing that’s keeping us away from Him – that’s keeping us “condemned.”

Contrary to popular opinion, Jesus Christ did not come into our world to yell at us, “You’re all going to hell!”  He came “that the world through Him might be saved.”  In John 10:10, Jesus explains,

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

1 Timothy 2:4-6 declares that Jesus is

“God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.  For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all.”

Logically, if God desires all men to be saved and to go to heaven, and if He provided Himself as a perfect sacrifice for our sins so that we could be saved and go to heaven, then we are not doomed to hell unless we CHOOSE to ignore or reject the knowledge of the truth.  In John 14:6, Jesus proclaims,

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

Apostle Peter confirms in Acts 4:12:

“Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

Furthermore, Romans 10:9 gives this assurance:

“that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

God has provided the way for everyone to go to heaven, and that is through belief in and acceptance of salvation through Jesus Christ’s sinless life, sacrificial death, and resurrection.  Note that Jesus didn’t say He is “a way” to get to heaven; He says He is the way, the only way.  People are deceiving themselves if they think they can find or create their own path to salvation.

Eternal salvation doesn’t come by sending out good karma or having positive energy.  You can’t find salvation through music, literature, or art.  You can’t be saved through romantic love or the love of a child.  You can’t reach salvation through meditation or by ridding yourself of earthly desires.  You can’t accomplish salvation by completing the 12 steps.  And you won’t receive salvation for self-sacrificially dedicating your life to noble causes.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”  (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Apostle Paul exhorts us in Philippians 2:12 to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”  What does this mean?  Take death and eternal life seriously.  Know where you’re going when you die.  Heaven is real, which most people seem willing to accept on some level, but hell is real too.

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.  For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.”  (Galatians 6:7-8)

In other words, don’t kid yourself.  What you choose to believe in this life and how you choose to live in this life matters when you die.  Can you say with absolute certainty that you know where you’re going when you die?  It’s a serious question, and none of us can afford to avoid it.  You also can’t afford to simply hold onto the hope that you’ll “go on to a better place”... UNLESS you have confessed your need for God’s forgiveness, repented of your sins, and accepted the salvation that only He can provide.  Nothing else will do.

So even though I’m sad that we have lost Robin Williams and the joy that he gave us as a talented comedian and entertainer, I’m less concerned with our loss or how we lost him.  But I pray with all my heart that he had a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ when he died.  It absolutely devastates me to think otherwise.

For Women Only: The Martha Syndrome

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

“Now it happened as they went that [Jesus] entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Therefore tell her to help me.’

“And Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.’”  (Luke 10:38-42)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a stressful person.  When I was a student – whether we’re talking elementary school, middle school, high school, or college – I was generally stressed out.  I was often worried about keeping up in class, which, in hindsight, is a little funny because I was never behind.  In fact, I’ve always been a good student.  But for a perfectionist such as myself, the idea of doing anything less than my best scared me and constantly propelled me to work hard in school.

I remember when I was finishing my BA and I would think, “It will be so much easier when I’m just working instead of going to school!  Then I won’t have tests and homework and all this stress.”  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Let the record show that I have seldom had a job that wasn’t stressful.

Once I got married, trying to balance a full-time job and my role as a wife added to my stress.  I prayed that God would provide us with a situation where I could work part-time or from home.  He ended up answering that prayer, and I now have the privilege of being a stay-at-home wife.  But to my surprise, the stress didn’t completely go away when this change took place.

Although I am beyond thankful to be able to focus singularly on my job as a wife, the truth is I still feel pressure as I work to take care of our health, home, yard, finances, and general needs.  It’s incredible how much physical work, organization, planning, and even research it takes to keep a household (and the people in it) running smoothly!  Most days, I find myself feeling distracted like Martha, moving around our house like a ball in a pinball machine to get things done, all the while mindful of God’s other callings for me that are waiting for my time and attention.

My point is it doesn’t matter whether you go to school, go to work, or work at home; whether you’re single or married.  Life is just stressful regardless.  And if Stress had a best friend, I think its name would be Guilt.  The two seem to go hand-in-hand, at least when they’re walking around inside my head.

At the beginning of every day, I think about all there is to get done: housework, yardwork, meal planning, grocery shopping and errands, Bible study and devotions, exercise, organizational projects, my personal writing projects, bills to pay, emails/letters/cards to write, and the list goes on.  Then, at the end of every day, I feel guilty for all the things I inevitably didn’t get around to (e.g., showering, fixing my hair, putting on real pants).  And the guilt only adds to my stress.

If you’re like me, you often find yourself wondering, “Where did my day go?” or “How can I be so busy and feel like I’m accomplishing so little?”  Do you feel like you’re moving around at warp speed, trying to get everything done and take care of everyone, but you’re still somehow coming up short?  Maybe you feel like you’re just not delivering despite your best efforts, and the guilt of that weighs down on you… hard.

When I’ve heard this story preached before, the message is always the same: Mary, good.  Martha, bad.  But poor Martha is not all bad.  Martha shows herself to be a hospitable woman by welcoming Jesus and his disciples into her home.  She has a servant’s heart, as she “was distracted with much serving.”  And she didn’t go yell at Mary in front of their guests when Mary was neglecting her chores.  That showed a lot of restraint for a sister and a proper sense of decorum as a hostess.  These are good things.  But sometimes even doing good things can keep us from doing the most important things.

Now, I am not one of those Christians who likes to obsess about Satan and blame him for every obstacle and hiccup in my day.  Unfortunately, there are Christians who do that, and I think it’s silly and unhelpful to give him so much attention and credit.  But the Bible is clear that there is an Enemy who exists to oppose God and those who follow Him.  1 Peter 5:8 instructs, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”  The Bible also teaches that we are not to be ignorant of the devil’s devices, or else he can take advantage of us (2 Corinthians 2:11).

This isn’t necessarily Scriptural, but I’ve heard it said, “If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.”  The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced of its truth.  (Of course, it’s also true that if Satan can’t make you bad, he can make you complacent.)  According to the Bible, Satan is a deceiver and an illusionist (2 Corinthians 11:14).  As long as Satan can keep you distracted by looking over there, then you aren’t paying attention to what really matters right here.  I believe this is one reason people’s marriages fail and their children go astray as they grow up.

Now, if I were Satan, and I wanted to bring Taisa down, make her unproductive and ineffective, make her feel guilty for not doing enough, keep her from reaching her goals, keep her from fulfilling God's purposes for her life, make her feel like she’s not good enough, then I would absolutely pepper her with distractions to keep her from focusing on the things that really matter.  I hate to admit it, but that simple, stupid tactic works every time on me.

It worked on Martha too.  “Martha was distracted with much serving.”  Even though we’re called to serve others – and shoot, Martha was working to serve Jesus himself! – Martha had actually forgotten all about Jesus and instead was focused only on the tasks at hand.  Ultimately, the distraction led to her frustration, and she missed out on a huge opportunity to spend time with and hear from Jesus.  This is a perfect analogy of what happens when we’re distracted by things that may be a natural part of life and even good, but aren't what's most important.

So what is our best defense against the tactics of distraction and busywork, which only bring on stress, frustration, and guilt?

First of all, we need to remember that God must be our first priority.

“Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”  (John 15:4-5)

abide

verb (used without object)

1. to remain; continue; stay
2. to have one's abode; dwell; reside

We need to face the facts: If we don't abide in Jesus, if we don't make Him our home where we reside and issue from every day, if we don't make Him the source of our strength, then we will default to relying on our own best efforts to get through each day, and we simply won't be very productive or effective with our lives.

Let’s take a lesson from Mary and focus on Jesus – focus on spending time with Him and hearing from Him each day, instead of focusing on everything that needs to be done.  One verse that always stops me in my tracks is,

“Be still, and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46:10)

Close your eyes and repeat that to yourself a few times.

Another great reminder is Isaiah 26:3:

“You will keep [her] in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because [she] trusts in You.”

We’ve grown so accustomed to this ridiculous, lame, fast-paced, distraction-filled world that we live in.  We’ve become brainwashed to believe that’s how it has to be.  Well, I reject that idea.  According to the Bible, God’s reality for us is totally different.

“For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.’”  (Isaiah 30:15)

“Jesus says, ‘Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.’”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

A yoke is something that harnesses things together, like two oxen or a single ox to a plow.  We need to stop and ask ourselves whose yoke we have upon us.  The world’s?  Or Jesus’?  The world’s yoke only drags us down.  But Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  I don’t know about you, but I want to go with what’s behind Door #2.

But what does taking Jesus’ yoke upon ourselves look like?  It means sitting at His feet, like Mary, learning His Word, and hearing from Him.  It means refusing the distractions that Satan sends us to keep us from fulfilling God's purposes for our lives.  It means rejecting the hold that the world has on us to work at a certain pace, accomplish and have certain things, and look a certain way.  It means surrendering everything to Him and committing ourselves to just doing His will.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:2)

“He has shown you, o [woman], what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”  (Micah 6:8)

Secondly, we need to reset our other priorities.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  (Matthew 6:21)

Where is your treasure?  Or, what are your priorities?  How do you spend most of your time?  If your priorities are people, can they tell they’re your priorities?  If your priorities are goals, are you making consistent progress toward those goals?  If you have priorities for your daily to-do lists, are you accomplishing those most important tasks?  Most importantly, if God has placed a calling on your life (and He has), are you answering that calling?  

Consider what could be distracting you from the things that really matter.  What tends to suck up your time and energy but doesn't provide a real payoff?  I’m talking about those things that are unnecessary, unimportant, or simply not worth your time and sanity when put side-by-side with what you most value.

It could be small, daily stuff like wasting time on Facebook or the Internet or watching TV.  It could be constantly cleaning and trying to keep your house looking perfect.  (Yeah, that’s not mine either.)  On the other hand, it could be holding on to and constantly dealing with clutter in your home.  It could mean regularly finding frivolous things to spend money on instead of being a good steward with it and putting it towards what's necessary or important.  It could be constantly trying to please or impress other people.  Or it could be bigger stuff.  Maybe you’re like I was: working full-time at a stressful job that drains the life out of you and keeps you from being physically healthy and a good [wife, mother, fill in the blank].  Maybe you’ve been allowing your desire for a certain standard of living keep you from enjoying the life you have.

It is my prayer that we would no longer allow these distractions to keep us from fulfilling God's purposes for our lives, and from receiving His best for us.  That we would choose not to conform to this world, but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  And that we would start by making Him our first priority.

I'd like to leave you with a song called "Like a Lion."  It ties in nicely to this post because it's a powerful reminder of 1 John 4:4: “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”  Let this song empower you as you go forth in His name!

Frustrating Misconceptions about Christians

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey


I really don’t like writing about topics that are already getting so much attention in mainstream and social media.  I hate the hype, and I get sick of hearing and seeing the same commentary over and over again, especially when there are two sides in contention.  It always ends up being a huge argument that goes nowhere and achieves nothing.  And yet, sometimes when I feel like my own thoughts aren’t being represented, I can’t help but want to voice them.  So here goes.

With the Supreme Court’s recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in all 50 states, there seems to be an even clearer distinction now between those who support gay marriage and those who oppose it.  A lot of people are showing their support on Facebook by casting a rainbow filter over their profile pictures.  I saw more than one person comment that he/she had deleted any Facebook friends who were in opposition to the Supreme Court’s ruling because they were “gay haters.”  For that matter, I discovered I was even deleted by a gay Facebook friend… and I hadn’t even commented until now on the subject!  The term “homophobic” also keeps popping up in statements by gay rights supporters as a means to slander those people, largely Christians, who object to the practice of homosexuality.

But let’s be clear about this.  Just because someone doesn’t approve of homosexuality and doesn’t support same-sex marriage does not mean that they hate gay people or are afraid of them.  To say so is defamatory and, quite frankly, hypocritical of gay rights supporters who decry injustice when even the hint of a defamatory comment is made about homosexuals.

Christians are often an easy target for jokes and ridicule because some people perceive Christians as prudish goody-goodies.  That’s fine; if you want to make fun of me because I have morals, it really doesn’t bother me.  But now Christians are being demonized as prejudiced and hateful, and those charges cannot be taken lightly.  That characterization goes against the very crux of Christianity and simply does not apply when it comes to the legitimate, Christ-following Christians that I know and associate myself with.

Do you know what the definition of prejudice is?

1. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason (emphasis added).
2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an ethnic, racial, social, or religious group (emphasis added).
4. such attitudes considered collectively.
5. damage or injury; detriment.

As a Christian who bases her beliefs on the Bible, I do not approve of homosexuality or support same-sex marriage due to my knowledge of Scripture.  God’s Word teaches that marriage is a holy institution created by God, defined as the joining of one man with one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2), and that homosexuality is a sin (Genesis 19:4-11; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).  My beliefs and feelings on the subject were not formed due to ignorance, fear, or hatred of something that I don’t understand.  Some people may strongly disagree with my beliefs and feelings, but – again – those beliefs and feelings are not characterized by prejudice, fear, or hate.

I’ve heard people scoff at the contemporary Christian adage, “Hate the sin; love the sinner,” thinking that it’s a contradictory statement or that Christians don’t really mean it.  I’m sorry for those people who don’t get it, but the statement does in fact hold true with legitimate Christians.  We are called by Jesus first and foremost to love God and second to love others (Matthew 22:34-39).

But another misconception about Christians is that our love cannot really be love without loving and accepting everything about a person.  And if we aren’t accepting of other people’s choices or lifestyles, then we are – horror of horrors! – guilty of judging them.  If there’s one Scripture that secular people know and love, it’s, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1).  But what’s the context of that passage?  The subsequent verses follow:

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  Hypocrite!  First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  (Matthew 7:3-5)

The idea is not to cast judgment on another person’s sin when you are guilty yourself.  I would argue there’s a difference between this type of judgment (bad) and Bible-based discernment (good).  When I read in the Bible that something like homosexuality is a sin and therefore I do not approve of that sin in another person’s lifestyle, then I am simply using Biblical discernment when I form my opinion.  If, on the other hand, I were to condemn someone for their homosexual lifestyle when I myself am actively living in sin by having sex outside of marriage, then I would certainly be guilty of judging that person hypocritically.

This is not to say that Christians are without sin.  That, of course, is the second Scripture that secular people know and love best: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7).  It’s true: The Bible teaches that all have fallen short of the glory of God and there is no one who is without sin, except Jesus Christ (Romans 3:10,23).  Every legitimate Christian knows this and is sincerely humbled by having received God’s forgiveness and grace.  But this is not about casting stones.  For Christians, it is simply a matter of discerning wrong from right, according to God’s Word.  And yes, we can love the sinner but hate the sin.  How?

My siblings each love their kids fiercely, but they hate it when they see their kids being disobedient or disrespectful or dishonest.  I think we would all find it extremely strange if they loved and accepted any of that behavior from their kids.  I mean, would anyone argue, “But by being disobedient, those kids are doing what they want to do, and it makes them happy!” or “When they’re being disrespectful, they are really just expressing their true selves!”?  No way.  When my siblings take a stand against their kids’ sinful behavior, they are in fact committing the greatest act of love in an attempt to keep their kids from behaving in a destructive way.  One of my good friends will correct her son’s behavior by saying, “I love you too much to let you act that way.”

By not accepting homosexuality or supporting same-sex marriage, do I feel like I will actually change anyone’s behavior?  No, but that’s not the point.  As a Christian, I am called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14-15, 2 Timothy 2:23-26).  Everyone makes their own choices and everyone must ultimately answer to God, but I won’t endorse behavior that God calls sinful.  And truly, I don’t feel anger or hatred towards gay people when I take a stand against homosexuality or same-sex marriage.  I feel sad and frustrated for them, just as I feel for anyone who is practicing a sinful lifestyle and/or hasn’t chosen to accept Jesus Christ’s salvation and forgiveness.  The Bible is clear where that leads.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is one of those scary set of verses that most people don’t know and don’t want to know, but I couldn’t call myself a loving Christian if I didn’t share it:

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived.  Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Here’s another scary Scripture that most people don’t know but should:

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions.  For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.  Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”  (Romans 1:26-32)

Did you catch that last part?  You should have because I underlined it on purpose.  Some people believe that they can be supportive of gay rights and same-sex marriage out of a spirit of love.  But the Bible is clear.  1 Corinthians 13:6 reads,

“[Love] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.”

Love must be anchored in truth.  As the last part of the Romans verse says, those who participate in sinful behaviors are guilty, but so are the people who approve of them.  In other words, you may choose not to commit certain sins yourself, but if you support other people in their choice to commit those sins, you are also guilty.

One more scary verse, and I pray that it resonates deep within each of us:

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;

Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;

Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20)

And finally, a happy verse, to end on an encouraging note:

“Let love be without hypocrisy.  Abhor what is evil.  Cling to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)