Frustrating Misconceptions about Christians

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey


I really don’t like writing about topics that are already getting so much attention in mainstream and social media.  I hate the hype, and I get sick of hearing and seeing the same commentary over and over again, especially when there are two sides in contention.  It always ends up being a huge argument that goes nowhere and achieves nothing.  And yet, sometimes when I feel like my own thoughts aren’t being represented, I can’t help but want to voice them.  So here goes.

With the Supreme Court’s recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in all 50 states, there seems to be an even clearer distinction now between those who support gay marriage and those who oppose it.  A lot of people are showing their support on Facebook by casting a rainbow filter over their profile pictures.  I saw more than one person comment that he/she had deleted any Facebook friends who were in opposition to the Supreme Court’s ruling because they were “gay haters.”  For that matter, I discovered I was even deleted by a gay Facebook friend… and I hadn’t even commented until now on the subject!  The term “homophobic” also keeps popping up in statements by gay rights supporters as a means to slander those people, largely Christians, who object to the practice of homosexuality.

But let’s be clear about this.  Just because someone doesn’t approve of homosexuality and doesn’t support same-sex marriage does not mean that they hate gay people or are afraid of them.  To say so is defamatory and, quite frankly, hypocritical of gay rights supporters who decry injustice when even the hint of a defamatory comment is made about homosexuals.

Christians are often an easy target for jokes and ridicule because some people perceive Christians as prudish goody-goodies.  That’s fine; if you want to make fun of me because I have morals, it really doesn’t bother me.  But now Christians are being demonized as prejudiced and hateful, and those charges cannot be taken lightly.  That characterization goes against the very crux of Christianity and simply does not apply when it comes to the legitimate, Christ-following Christians that I know and associate myself with.

Do you know what the definition of prejudice is?

1. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason (emphasis added).
2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an ethnic, racial, social, or religious group (emphasis added).
4. such attitudes considered collectively.
5. damage or injury; detriment.

As a Christian who bases her beliefs on the Bible, I do not approve of homosexuality or support same-sex marriage due to my knowledge of Scripture.  God’s Word teaches that marriage is a holy institution created by God, defined as the joining of one man with one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2), and that homosexuality is a sin (Genesis 19:4-11; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).  My beliefs and feelings on the subject were not formed due to ignorance, fear, or hatred of something that I don’t understand.  Some people may strongly disagree with my beliefs and feelings, but – again – those beliefs and feelings are not characterized by prejudice, fear, or hate.

I’ve heard people scoff at the contemporary Christian adage, “Hate the sin; love the sinner,” thinking that it’s a contradictory statement or that Christians don’t really mean it.  I’m sorry for those people who don’t get it, but the statement does in fact hold true with legitimate Christians.  We are called by Jesus first and foremost to love God and second to love others (Matthew 22:34-39).

But another misconception about Christians is that our love cannot really be love without loving and accepting everything about a person.  And if we aren’t accepting of other people’s choices or lifestyles, then we are – horror of horrors! – guilty of judging them.  If there’s one Scripture that secular people know and love, it’s, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1).  But what’s the context of that passage?  The subsequent verses follow:

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  Hypocrite!  First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  (Matthew 7:3-5)

The idea is not to cast judgment on another person’s sin when you are guilty yourself.  I would argue there’s a difference between this type of judgment (bad) and Bible-based discernment (good).  When I read in the Bible that something like homosexuality is a sin and therefore I do not approve of that sin in another person’s lifestyle, then I am simply using Biblical discernment when I form my opinion.  If, on the other hand, I were to condemn someone for their homosexual lifestyle when I myself am actively living in sin by having sex outside of marriage, then I would certainly be guilty of judging that person hypocritically.

This is not to say that Christians are without sin.  That, of course, is the second Scripture that secular people know and love best: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7).  It’s true: The Bible teaches that all have fallen short of the glory of God and there is no one who is without sin, except Jesus Christ (Romans 3:10,23).  Every legitimate Christian knows this and is sincerely humbled by having received God’s forgiveness and grace.  But this is not about casting stones.  For Christians, it is simply a matter of discerning wrong from right, according to God’s Word.  And yes, we can love the sinner but hate the sin.  How?

My siblings each love their kids fiercely, but they hate it when they see their kids being disobedient or disrespectful or dishonest.  I think we would all find it extremely strange if they loved and accepted any of that behavior from their kids.  I mean, would anyone argue, “But by being disobedient, those kids are doing what they want to do, and it makes them happy!” or “When they’re being disrespectful, they are really just expressing their true selves!”?  No way.  When my siblings take a stand against their kids’ sinful behavior, they are in fact committing the greatest act of love in an attempt to keep their kids from behaving in a destructive way.  One of my good friends will correct her son’s behavior by saying, “I love you too much to let you act that way.”

By not accepting homosexuality or supporting same-sex marriage, do I feel like I will actually change anyone’s behavior?  No, but that’s not the point.  As a Christian, I am called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14-15, 2 Timothy 2:23-26).  Everyone makes their own choices and everyone must ultimately answer to God, but I won’t endorse behavior that God calls sinful.  And truly, I don’t feel anger or hatred towards gay people when I take a stand against homosexuality or same-sex marriage.  I feel sad and frustrated for them, just as I feel for anyone who is practicing a sinful lifestyle and/or hasn’t chosen to accept Jesus Christ’s salvation and forgiveness.  The Bible is clear where that leads.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is one of those scary set of verses that most people don’t know and don’t want to know, but I couldn’t call myself a loving Christian if I didn’t share it:

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived.  Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Here’s another scary Scripture that most people don’t know but should:

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions.  For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.  Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”  (Romans 1:26-32)

Did you catch that last part?  You should have because I underlined it on purpose.  Some people believe that they can be supportive of gay rights and same-sex marriage out of a spirit of love.  But the Bible is clear.  1 Corinthians 13:6 reads,

“[Love] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.”

Love must be anchored in truth.  As the last part of the Romans verse says, those who participate in sinful behaviors are guilty, but so are the people who approve of them.  In other words, you may choose not to commit certain sins yourself, but if you support other people in their choice to commit those sins, you are also guilty.

One more scary verse, and I pray that it resonates deep within each of us:

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;

Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;

Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20)

And finally, a happy verse, to end on an encouraging note:

“Let love be without hypocrisy.  Abhor what is evil.  Cling to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)