For Women Only: The Martha Syndrome

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

“Now it happened as they went that [Jesus] entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Therefore tell her to help me.’

“And Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.’”  (Luke 10:38-42)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a stressful person.  When I was a student – whether we’re talking elementary school, middle school, high school, or college – I was generally stressed out.  I was often worried about keeping up in class, which, in hindsight, is a little funny because I was never behind.  In fact, I’ve always been a good student.  But for a perfectionist such as myself, the idea of doing anything less than my best scared me and constantly propelled me to work hard in school.

I remember when I was finishing my BA and I would think, “It will be so much easier when I’m just working instead of going to school!  Then I won’t have tests and homework and all this stress.”  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Let the record show that I have seldom had a job that wasn’t stressful.

Once I got married, trying to balance a full-time job and my role as a wife added to my stress.  I prayed that God would provide us with a situation where I could work part-time or from home.  He ended up answering that prayer, and I now have the privilege of being a stay-at-home wife.  But to my surprise, the stress didn’t completely go away when this change took place.

Although I am beyond thankful to be able to focus singularly on my job as a wife, the truth is I still feel pressure as I work to take care of our health, home, yard, finances, and general needs.  It’s incredible how much physical work, organization, planning, and even research it takes to keep a household (and the people in it) running smoothly!  Most days, I find myself feeling distracted like Martha, moving around our house like a ball in a pinball machine to get things done, all the while mindful of God’s other callings for me that are waiting for my time and attention.

My point is it doesn’t matter whether you go to school, go to work, or work at home; whether you’re single or married.  Life is just stressful regardless.  And if Stress had a best friend, I think its name would be Guilt.  The two seem to go hand-in-hand, at least when they’re walking around inside my head.

At the beginning of every day, I think about all there is to get done: housework, yardwork, meal planning, grocery shopping and errands, Bible study and devotions, exercise, organizational projects, my personal writing projects, bills to pay, emails/letters/cards to write, and the list goes on.  Then, at the end of every day, I feel guilty for all the things I inevitably didn’t get around to (e.g., showering, fixing my hair, putting on real pants).  And the guilt only adds to my stress.

If you’re like me, you often find yourself wondering, “Where did my day go?” or “How can I be so busy and feel like I’m accomplishing so little?”  Do you feel like you’re moving around at warp speed, trying to get everything done and take care of everyone, but you’re still somehow coming up short?  Maybe you feel like you’re just not delivering despite your best efforts, and the guilt of that weighs down on you… hard.

When I’ve heard this story preached before, the message is always the same: Mary, good.  Martha, bad.  But poor Martha is not all bad.  Martha shows herself to be a hospitable woman by welcoming Jesus and his disciples into her home.  She has a servant’s heart, as she “was distracted with much serving.”  And she didn’t go yell at Mary in front of their guests when Mary was neglecting her chores.  That showed a lot of restraint for a sister and a proper sense of decorum as a hostess.  These are good things.  But sometimes even doing good things can keep us from doing the most important things.

Now, I am not one of those Christians who likes to obsess about Satan and blame him for every obstacle and hiccup in my day.  Unfortunately, there are Christians who do that, and I think it’s silly and unhelpful to give him so much attention and credit.  But the Bible is clear that there is an Enemy who exists to oppose God and those who follow Him.  1 Peter 5:8 instructs, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”  The Bible also teaches that we are not to be ignorant of the devil’s devices, or else he can take advantage of us (2 Corinthians 2:11).

This isn’t necessarily Scriptural, but I’ve heard it said, “If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.”  The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced of its truth.  (Of course, it’s also true that if Satan can’t make you bad, he can make you complacent.)  According to the Bible, Satan is a deceiver and an illusionist (2 Corinthians 11:14).  As long as Satan can keep you distracted by looking over there, then you aren’t paying attention to what really matters right here.  I believe this is one reason people’s marriages fail and their children go astray as they grow up.

Now, if I were Satan, and I wanted to bring Taisa down, make her unproductive and ineffective, make her feel guilty for not doing enough, keep her from reaching her goals, keep her from fulfilling God's purposes for her life, make her feel like she’s not good enough, then I would absolutely pepper her with distractions to keep her from focusing on the things that really matter.  I hate to admit it, but that simple, stupid tactic works every time on me.

It worked on Martha too.  “Martha was distracted with much serving.”  Even though we’re called to serve others – and shoot, Martha was working to serve Jesus himself! – Martha had actually forgotten all about Jesus and instead was focused only on the tasks at hand.  Ultimately, the distraction led to her frustration, and she missed out on a huge opportunity to spend time with and hear from Jesus.  This is a perfect analogy of what happens when we’re distracted by things that may be a natural part of life and even good, but aren't what's most important.

So what is our best defense against the tactics of distraction and busywork, which only bring on stress, frustration, and guilt?

First of all, we need to remember that God must be our first priority.

“Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”  (John 15:4-5)

abide

verb (used without object)

1. to remain; continue; stay
2. to have one's abode; dwell; reside

We need to face the facts: If we don't abide in Jesus, if we don't make Him our home where we reside and issue from every day, if we don't make Him the source of our strength, then we will default to relying on our own best efforts to get through each day, and we simply won't be very productive or effective with our lives.

Let’s take a lesson from Mary and focus on Jesus – focus on spending time with Him and hearing from Him each day, instead of focusing on everything that needs to be done.  One verse that always stops me in my tracks is,

“Be still, and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46:10)

Close your eyes and repeat that to yourself a few times.

Another great reminder is Isaiah 26:3:

“You will keep [her] in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because [she] trusts in You.”

We’ve grown so accustomed to this ridiculous, lame, fast-paced, distraction-filled world that we live in.  We’ve become brainwashed to believe that’s how it has to be.  Well, I reject that idea.  According to the Bible, God’s reality for us is totally different.

“For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.’”  (Isaiah 30:15)

“Jesus says, ‘Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.’”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

A yoke is something that harnesses things together, like two oxen or a single ox to a plow.  We need to stop and ask ourselves whose yoke we have upon us.  The world’s?  Or Jesus’?  The world’s yoke only drags us down.  But Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  I don’t know about you, but I want to go with what’s behind Door #2.

But what does taking Jesus’ yoke upon ourselves look like?  It means sitting at His feet, like Mary, learning His Word, and hearing from Him.  It means refusing the distractions that Satan sends us to keep us from fulfilling God's purposes for our lives.  It means rejecting the hold that the world has on us to work at a certain pace, accomplish and have certain things, and look a certain way.  It means surrendering everything to Him and committing ourselves to just doing His will.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:2)

“He has shown you, o [woman], what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”  (Micah 6:8)

Secondly, we need to reset our other priorities.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  (Matthew 6:21)

Where is your treasure?  Or, what are your priorities?  How do you spend most of your time?  If your priorities are people, can they tell they’re your priorities?  If your priorities are goals, are you making consistent progress toward those goals?  If you have priorities for your daily to-do lists, are you accomplishing those most important tasks?  Most importantly, if God has placed a calling on your life (and He has), are you answering that calling?  

Consider what could be distracting you from the things that really matter.  What tends to suck up your time and energy but doesn't provide a real payoff?  I’m talking about those things that are unnecessary, unimportant, or simply not worth your time and sanity when put side-by-side with what you most value.

It could be small, daily stuff like wasting time on Facebook or the Internet or watching TV.  It could be constantly cleaning and trying to keep your house looking perfect.  (Yeah, that’s not mine either.)  On the other hand, it could be holding on to and constantly dealing with clutter in your home.  It could mean regularly finding frivolous things to spend money on instead of being a good steward with it and putting it towards what's necessary or important.  It could be constantly trying to please or impress other people.  Or it could be bigger stuff.  Maybe you’re like I was: working full-time at a stressful job that drains the life out of you and keeps you from being physically healthy and a good [wife, mother, fill in the blank].  Maybe you’ve been allowing your desire for a certain standard of living keep you from enjoying the life you have.

It is my prayer that we would no longer allow these distractions to keep us from fulfilling God's purposes for our lives, and from receiving His best for us.  That we would choose not to conform to this world, but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  And that we would start by making Him our first priority.

I'd like to leave you with a song called "Like a Lion."  It ties in nicely to this post because it's a powerful reminder of 1 John 4:4: “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”  Let this song empower you as you go forth in His name!

Frustrating Misconceptions about Christians

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey


I really don’t like writing about topics that are already getting so much attention in mainstream and social media.  I hate the hype, and I get sick of hearing and seeing the same commentary over and over again, especially when there are two sides in contention.  It always ends up being a huge argument that goes nowhere and achieves nothing.  And yet, sometimes when I feel like my own thoughts aren’t being represented, I can’t help but want to voice them.  So here goes.

With the Supreme Court’s recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in all 50 states, there seems to be an even clearer distinction now between those who support gay marriage and those who oppose it.  A lot of people are showing their support on Facebook by casting a rainbow filter over their profile pictures.  I saw more than one person comment that he/she had deleted any Facebook friends who were in opposition to the Supreme Court’s ruling because they were “gay haters.”  For that matter, I discovered I was even deleted by a gay Facebook friend… and I hadn’t even commented until now on the subject!  The term “homophobic” also keeps popping up in statements by gay rights supporters as a means to slander those people, largely Christians, who object to the practice of homosexuality.

But let’s be clear about this.  Just because someone doesn’t approve of homosexuality and doesn’t support same-sex marriage does not mean that they hate gay people or are afraid of them.  To say so is defamatory and, quite frankly, hypocritical of gay rights supporters who decry injustice when even the hint of a defamatory comment is made about homosexuals.

Christians are often an easy target for jokes and ridicule because some people perceive Christians as prudish goody-goodies.  That’s fine; if you want to make fun of me because I have morals, it really doesn’t bother me.  But now Christians are being demonized as prejudiced and hateful, and those charges cannot be taken lightly.  That characterization goes against the very crux of Christianity and simply does not apply when it comes to the legitimate, Christ-following Christians that I know and associate myself with.

Do you know what the definition of prejudice is?

1. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason (emphasis added).
2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an ethnic, racial, social, or religious group (emphasis added).
4. such attitudes considered collectively.
5. damage or injury; detriment.

As a Christian who bases her beliefs on the Bible, I do not approve of homosexuality or support same-sex marriage due to my knowledge of Scripture.  God’s Word teaches that marriage is a holy institution created by God, defined as the joining of one man with one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2), and that homosexuality is a sin (Genesis 19:4-11; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).  My beliefs and feelings on the subject were not formed due to ignorance, fear, or hatred of something that I don’t understand.  Some people may strongly disagree with my beliefs and feelings, but – again – those beliefs and feelings are not characterized by prejudice, fear, or hate.

I’ve heard people scoff at the contemporary Christian adage, “Hate the sin; love the sinner,” thinking that it’s a contradictory statement or that Christians don’t really mean it.  I’m sorry for those people who don’t get it, but the statement does in fact hold true with legitimate Christians.  We are called by Jesus first and foremost to love God and second to love others (Matthew 22:34-39).

But another misconception about Christians is that our love cannot really be love without loving and accepting everything about a person.  And if we aren’t accepting of other people’s choices or lifestyles, then we are – horror of horrors! – guilty of judging them.  If there’s one Scripture that secular people know and love, it’s, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1).  But what’s the context of that passage?  The subsequent verses follow:

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  Hypocrite!  First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  (Matthew 7:3-5)

The idea is not to cast judgment on another person’s sin when you are guilty yourself.  I would argue there’s a difference between this type of judgment (bad) and Bible-based discernment (good).  When I read in the Bible that something like homosexuality is a sin and therefore I do not approve of that sin in another person’s lifestyle, then I am simply using Biblical discernment when I form my opinion.  If, on the other hand, I were to condemn someone for their homosexual lifestyle when I myself am actively living in sin by having sex outside of marriage, then I would certainly be guilty of judging that person hypocritically.

This is not to say that Christians are without sin.  That, of course, is the second Scripture that secular people know and love best: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7).  It’s true: The Bible teaches that all have fallen short of the glory of God and there is no one who is without sin, except Jesus Christ (Romans 3:10,23).  Every legitimate Christian knows this and is sincerely humbled by having received God’s forgiveness and grace.  But this is not about casting stones.  For Christians, it is simply a matter of discerning wrong from right, according to God’s Word.  And yes, we can love the sinner but hate the sin.  How?

My siblings each love their kids fiercely, but they hate it when they see their kids being disobedient or disrespectful or dishonest.  I think we would all find it extremely strange if they loved and accepted any of that behavior from their kids.  I mean, would anyone argue, “But by being disobedient, those kids are doing what they want to do, and it makes them happy!” or “When they’re being disrespectful, they are really just expressing their true selves!”?  No way.  When my siblings take a stand against their kids’ sinful behavior, they are in fact committing the greatest act of love in an attempt to keep their kids from behaving in a destructive way.  One of my good friends will correct her son’s behavior by saying, “I love you too much to let you act that way.”

By not accepting homosexuality or supporting same-sex marriage, do I feel like I will actually change anyone’s behavior?  No, but that’s not the point.  As a Christian, I am called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14-15, 2 Timothy 2:23-26).  Everyone makes their own choices and everyone must ultimately answer to God, but I won’t endorse behavior that God calls sinful.  And truly, I don’t feel anger or hatred towards gay people when I take a stand against homosexuality or same-sex marriage.  I feel sad and frustrated for them, just as I feel for anyone who is practicing a sinful lifestyle and/or hasn’t chosen to accept Jesus Christ’s salvation and forgiveness.  The Bible is clear where that leads.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is one of those scary set of verses that most people don’t know and don’t want to know, but I couldn’t call myself a loving Christian if I didn’t share it:

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived.  Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Here’s another scary Scripture that most people don’t know but should:

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions.  For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.  Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”  (Romans 1:26-32)

Did you catch that last part?  You should have because I underlined it on purpose.  Some people believe that they can be supportive of gay rights and same-sex marriage out of a spirit of love.  But the Bible is clear.  1 Corinthians 13:6 reads,

“[Love] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.”

Love must be anchored in truth.  As the last part of the Romans verse says, those who participate in sinful behaviors are guilty, but so are the people who approve of them.  In other words, you may choose not to commit certain sins yourself, but if you support other people in their choice to commit those sins, you are also guilty.

One more scary verse, and I pray that it resonates deep within each of us:

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;

Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;

Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20)

And finally, a happy verse, to end on an encouraging note:

“Let love be without hypocrisy.  Abhor what is evil.  Cling to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)