By Taisa
Efseaff Maffey
I’ve come
to realize that when I write a blog post, I’m writing just as much to myself as
to my readers (real and/or imagined). In
general, I’ve always had a tendency to search out meaning or some kind of
lesson from whatever I’m going through, usually through a Biblical lens, so as
to glean whatever God may be trying to teach me or show me. But for the past few weeks, I’ve struggled to
find meaning in my feelings of… not enough-ness.
For those
of you who have read my previous posts, you know that I made a New Year’s resolution to lose
weight. But most frustratingly, I have
barely lost any additional weight since the first week of the new year when I
committed myself to this resolution.
It’s hard
not to feel discouraged about this. And
for the past three weeks, I haven’t been able to come up with anything to say
about it. I have been working out
faithfully at least three times every week, I have been juicing and cutting out
sugar, I have been drinking more water, and I have been getting good sleep most
nights. All of this is to say that,
except for a minor cheat here and there, I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to
do.
That
said, I have been feeling myself getting stronger, I’ve increased the speed and
duration of my running, I’ve significantly reduced my lower back pain problems,
and I’ve even noticed a couple pairs of pants fitting more loosely than
before. So, while it’s clear to me I
have made improvements with my body, I just can’t seem to quantify it. And yes, that bothers me.
I
realized it also bothers me that I can’t seem to quantify very well what I’m
doing these days either. When I was
working full-time as a legal assistant, every day was a deluge of Very
Important Tasks that had to be completed, and as a rule I kept a detailed
record of the Very Important Tasks I worked on each day. Sometimes, when I felt overwhelmed by the
amount of work I still had to do, I would look at my list to remind myself of
all the Very Important Tasks that I had already accomplished.
But when
you work at home, it doesn’t really feel like you have Very Important Tasks to
do, and the Very Regular Tasks don’t seem to bring the same level of
satisfaction at their completion, not to mention a paycheck that provides a
monetary reward — a numerical score, if you will — for your efforts. And when you work from home, it’s often the
case that one Very Regular Task leads into and sort of bleeds into another Very
Regular Task and another, until a few hours pass and you wonder where the time
went. Then, when you arrive at the end
of the workday and your husband asks you how your day was and what you did,
you’re left going, “Um, I’m not sure exactly.
I know laundry was involved… I remember washing and putting away a lot
of dishes… I’m sure I ate lunch at some point... And then I
made dinner?”
Even if
you could remember all the Very Regular Tasks you completed, they wouldn’t seem
worth mentioning. Like it wouldn’t seem
worth mentioning that you went through all the unopened mail that had collected
and then cleared off the “catch-all” counter; that you called the bank and waited on hold to have them remove that bogus service fee; that you finally got out that mystery stain from the living room rug; that you looked up new recipes to
make for dinners that week; that you downloaded a new app on your phone to
create and organize your shopping lists; that you went grocery shopping at three different
stores in order to get the best deals on the best products; that you stopped and organized
the linen closet while you were putting away clean laundry; that you bleached and washed the mildew-laced shower curtain
liner; that you finally unscrewed the drain catch in the tub and fished out
what turned out to be a very large clot of hair that had been keeping the tub
from draining properly. All of these
Very Regular Tasks are beneficial and even necessary, but they just don’t seem
to give the same egotistical boost as, say, “convinced insurance claim adjuster
to pay out for client’s totaled car from motor vehicle accident” or “tracked
down elusive adverse party in lawsuit and arranged to have them served with the
appropriate documents.”
Like I
said, I’ve spent the past three weeks struggling to find some kind of lesson in
these feelings of, for lack of a real word, not enough-ness. Not enough results in weight loss, not enough
Very Important Tasks to attend to, not enough accomplishments to rest my head
on at night. And what kept coming to
mind was a phrase I’d read once in a Jon Courson devotional… “Don’t despise the
day of small things” (Zechariah 4:10).
My MacArthur Study Bible gives the verse this paraphrase in the subtext:
“Don’t despise what God is pleased with,” however small and insignificant it is
in our own estimation. Well, when I
stopped to think about it, I couldn’t help coming up with examples in the Bible
of “small things” that God cares about and is pleased with:
God is
pleased with His creation, however small and seemingly unprofitable, as Jesus
teaches:
“Look at
the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet
your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you
not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26)
In my
interpretation of this verse, I read, “Birds are completely unproductive! They don't have any part in growing,
gathering, or storing the food that sustains them, and yet God provides it for
them because they have value to Him.”
Again, Jesus speaks of caring about birds:
“Are not
five sparrows sold for two copper coins?
And not one of them is forgotten before God. […] Do not fear therefore;
you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:6-7)
God is pleased
with small people:
“Then
little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and
pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children
come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’”
(Matthew 19:13-14)
God is
pleased with small kindnesses, as Jesus tells the disciples:
“And
whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of
a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”
(Matthew 10:42)
God is
pleased with small gifts, given in earnest sacrifice:
“And
[Jesus] looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury. And He saw a poor widow putting in two small
copper coins. And He said, ‘Truly I say
to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; for they all out of their
surplus put into the offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she
had to live on.’” (Luke 21:1-4)
God is
pleased with even a small amount faith, as Jesus tells the disciples,
“Assuredly,
I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this
mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be
impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)
God is
pleased with a person’s faithfulness, even with small tasks: In the parable of
the talents, Jesus describes a man who gives three of his servants each the
responsibility of managing a measure of his money while he is traveling away
from home. While he is gone, two of the
servants trade/invest the money he gave them and end up with double the amount
they started with. When the man returns
and the two profitable servants show him the result of their management of his
money, he responds,
“Well
done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will
make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.” (Matthew
25:14-23)
God is
pleased with small egos:
“And [Jesus] began speaking a parable to the invited guests when He noticed how they had been picking out the places of honor at the table, saying to them, ‘When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for someone more distinguished than you may have been invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this man,’ and then in disgrace you proceed to occupy the last place. But when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; then you will have honor in the sight of all who are at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.’” (Luke 14:7-11)
It’s
interesting to look at this passage in light of modern day psychology and
ideology. Aren't we supposed to have
high self-esteem and a strong sense of self-worth? Jesus doesn't seem to think so. Apostle Paul confirms this in Philippians
2:3:
“Let
nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem others better than himself.”
I could
go on, but I think the point is clear: God is pleased with small things that we
normally might think inconsequential or unprofitable. There is, however, one condition. Hebrews 11:6 states,
“But
without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must
believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek
Him.”
Thankfully,
you don’t need faith even as big as a mustard seed to believe in God as
creator, father, savior, and friend. How
do I know? I personally believe that He is all those things, but I have yet to meet a mountain
that will obey me when I tell it to move.
Moreover, if you ever struggle with feelings of “not enough-ness,” remind yourself of what the Bible teaches:
“And now, [...] what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord and His statutes which I command you today for your good?” (Deuteronomy 10:12-13)
In other words, it really doesn’t take much to please God. As long as we believe in Him as our God and Savior, love Him, obey Him, love others, and we are doing our best with the work that He has given us to do, then God is pleased with us. I don’t know about you, but to me that’s everything. How can I feel bad about myself when I realize the God of The Universe is pleased with me?
Right now, God has given me the work of taking care of my husband and home, managing our personal life and all that it entails, and sharing His Word through writing. What is the work He has given you to do? Maybe you feel like you have too much work to do. If that’s the case, consider what is most important to Him and focus your time and energy there. But whatever you do, don’t despise the day of small things (Zechariah 4:10). Don’t despise what God is pleased with, however small and insignificant it is in your estimation, or even society’s estimation.
“And
whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that
from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the
Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-34)
