Are Bikinis Biblical?

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

* I published my first draft of this blog post two years ago.  I shared it just once on Facebook but barely drew attention to it because I was afraid of offending someone.  So basically I wrote it, posted it, and then pretended that I didn't. 🙈 But from time to time, I've felt convicted about not following through with my initial conviction to write about this topic.  So I finally decided to revisit this post, make some revisions, and repost it, this time without fear or apology.

My primary reason for writing this post is to share God's heart on the topic of modesty, based on what the Bible says.  I do not wish to shame anyone but rather encourage women and parents who are raising girls into women: 

1. to honor their bodies with modest clothing and thereby honor the God Who created them;
2. to reject a culture and fashion industry that seeks to expose, exploit, and consume female sexuality at younger and younger ages;
3. to reset modesty as the standard for beauty, in accordance with the Bible.

Thanks for reading!

I haven’t written a blog post in a long while, but I always knew what my next post would be once I had the time to write it.  It’s a bit of a touchy topic, but all I want to do is look to what the Bible says and hope that it encourages others to align their lives a little more with the Word of God.

With that said… Class, today we’re going to talk about modesty.

Again, this topic has been on my mind and heart for such a long time, and I think it’s because as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed less and less consistency and unity among Christian women and girls as to what modesty looks like.  Or perhaps for some, modesty isn’t even on their radar as needing to be a concern at all.

Um, so what? you might think.  Every woman should dress however she wants.  As long as all the important parts are covered, who cares?

Well, it turns out God does.  And the Bible actually has a lot to say about it.

Did you know one of the themes in Scripture is the dichotomy between being clothed and being naked?  Ever since the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden, the Bible associates honor with being clothed.  Conversely, it repeatedly and consistently associates shame with nakedness:

“I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.”  (Revelation 3:18, emphasis added)

“Then the Lord said, ‘Just as My servant Isaiah has walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and a wonder against Egypt and Ethiopia, so shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians as prisoners and the Ethiopians as captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt.’”  (Isaiah 20:3-4, emphasis added)

“For you shall no more be called
Tender and delicate.
Take the millstones and grind meal.
Remove your veil,
Take off the skirt,
Uncover the thigh,
Pass through the rivers.
Your nakedness shall be uncovered,
Yes, your shame will be seen[…].” (Isaiah 47:1e-3a, emphasis added)

“‘Behold, I am against you,’ says the Lord of hosts;
‘I will lift your skirts over your face,
I will show the nations your nakedness,
And the kingdoms your shame.’” (Nahum 3:5)

“Behold, I am coming as a thief.  Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame.”  (Revelation 16:15)

Okay, got it.  Clothing is good.  Nakedness is bad.  But you don’t see anyone walking around literally naked these days.  Again, if all the important parts are covered, then what’s the problem?

Well, the first problem is when we look to the Bible for technicalities to justify our decisions and behavior.  Follow me with this for a second:

I didn’t lie; I just didn’t tell the whole truth.

I didn’t steal; I just didn’t give back the free item they gave me by mistake.

Technically, we didn’t have sex; we just fooled around.

My bikini covers everything important, so it’s not like I’m actually naked.

But when Jesus talks about right and wrong in the Bible, He talks about it in a way that goes beyond behavioral technicalities.  In fact, He corrected that very thinking:

“‘You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.”  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.’”  (Matthew 5:21-22a)

“‘You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not commit adultery.”  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”  (Matthew 5:27-28)

First and foremost, Jesus looks to the heart and whether or not the heart is submitted to the Lord in obedience with the desire to honor and please Him.  When that is in place, then we aren’t looking for that figurative line to cross or not to cross.  In other words, we’re not looking for what we can get away with and tell ourselves we’re technically still okay (i.e., we’re not sinning).

I believe this is why there is so little consistency and unity among Christian women and girls as to what modesty looks like.  There’s no Bible verse that dictates how much of a woman’s body should be covered for her to retain her honor.  Neither is there a verse that quantifies exactly how much skin must be showing to qualify as nakedness.  On that technicality, a Christian woman can dress pretty much however she wants and justify her appearance to herself as being acceptably modest.  But consider Proverbs 21:2:

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
But the Lord weighs the hearts.”

This is the framework I believe we need to start with when exploring this topic: evaluating whether or not our hearts are submitted to doing the Lord’s will over our own.  Our own wills may want to dress ourselves or our daughters in a way that keeps up with current styles and trends, regardless of modesty.  But the Lord has always called His children to be set apart from the world, including as it concerns our physical bodies:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:1-2)

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.  And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”  (1 John 2:15-17)

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God[…].”  (1 Thessalonians 4:1-5)

So let’s recap a bit… According to the Bible, here’s what we know:  Being clothed is honorable.  Nakedness is shameful.  We are to present our bodies sacrificially and in a way that is holy and acceptable to God.  We are not to conform to the world.  We are not to indulge the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes.  We are to possess our bodies in sanctification and honor, unlike people who don’t know the Lord.

Okay, so given the Scriptures we’ve looked at, what reasonable parameters can we set to define modesty or lack thereof?  I’m going to suggest a couple general principles that I think are worth considering and applying together:

Clothing that conceals more nakedness than it reveals is modest.  Conversely, clothing that reveals more nakedness than it conceals is immodest.

Worldly styles that indulge the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes – in other words, revealing clothes that are likely to tempt another person to lust sinfully – are immodest.

Here's a question I think all parents of daughters should ask: “Where do I want other people's eyes to go when they look at my daughter?”  It's no secret that human eyes are drawn to exposed skin.  It's why the pornography industry exists, right?  And we can't ignore the despicable reality of pedophilia.  As parents, it is our job to protect our children, as much as it is within our power, from even being the objects of perverted thoughts, whether from pedophiles or from peers.

So consider this: If your daughter's wearing a low cut top, eyes are going to seek out her cleavage.  If your daughter's wearing a cropped top, eyes are going to be drawn to her exposed stomach.  If your daughter's wearing short or tight shorts, no doubt eyes are going to follow her bottom.  If your daughter's wearing the short, formfitting bodycon style of dress that seems to be so popular with high school girls these days (think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman), you can bet other people's eyes are going to be roaming over every curve of her body and every inch of her legs.  Am I being too explicit for comfort?  I hope so.

What about swimsuits?  (Yup, you knew it was coming.)  Swimsuits reveal more of the human form than pretty much any other type of clothing.  And bikinis in particular show as much nakedness as underwear.  Well, what does the Bible say about swimsuits?  Okay, that was a trick question.  The Bible doesn’t say anything about swimsuits.  The fact is the Bible simply does not give loopholes to make public immodesty okay.  In the Bible, nakedness is nakedness, and nakedness is to be covered up except in times of privacy or intimacy.  This means regardless of warm weather, regardless of being around water, regardless of participating in certain activities or sports, we are still to present our “bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God” (Romans 12:1b), and we still are not to be “conformed to this world” (Romans 2:2a).  The world may say to be comfortable in your own skin and not worry about covering up.  The world may say to wear whatever makes you feel good about yourself.  The world may say to be proud of your body and show it off.  But that’s not what the Bible says.

But if God created our bodies, then how could it be shameful to show them off?  Why should we hide them?  It’s because God created our bodies that we are to treat them respectfully, with honor and great esteem.  That means the bodies God carefully and lovingly designed are not to be cheapened by cavalierly putting them on display for all to see, but rather covered modestly and kept private.

“And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need.”  1 Corinthians 12:23-24a

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?  For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

So what are we supposed to wear when we go swimming?  The great news is in today’s world there are so many shopping options available to us, including companies whose sole mission is to create modest clothing for their consumers.  For swimwear, I recommend checking out Calypsa and Lands’ End.  It may require thinking a bit outside the box from the modern worldly format we typically imagine when we think of a swimsuit, but if you stop and think about it, you can really swim or do water activities in almost anything.  There are swim dresses, swim skirts, swim shorts, even swim pants for crying out loud.  Be your own fashion designer.  Yes, you can do it.

But I will stand out if I don't wear a traditional swimsuit.  I won't look like everyone else.  Exactly.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  (Romans 12:2)

So there you have it.  In the beginning, I mentioned this was a touchy topic.  I think it’s because no one likes being told what to do, including how to dress.  Also, if we learn we’re not following the Bible or honoring the Lord, then it means we might be convicted to change how we dress, and maybe we like our style and don’t want to give it up.  It’s my hope that we would all consider this issue with humility and prayer, as godly women who want nothing more than to please our Heavenly Father and make ourselves beautiful in His sight, which goes even deeper than the clothes we wear:

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”  (1 Peter 3:3-4)

I also hope we would look to the bigger picture of the Gospel, and respond to God’s heart for us with love and joyful submission:

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,
My soul shall be joyful in my God;
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” (Isaiah 61:10)

You AREN'T Enough... But It's Okay

By Taisa Efseaff Maffey

There's something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I've only recently figured out why.  It's this phrase that continues to show up in social media posts, usually promoted by fitness gurus or authors or women who just want to encourage other women.  And it makes me squirm every time I read it or hear it.

"You are enough."

First of all, let me say that if you are someone who likes being told, "You are enough," I get it.  If it makes you feel good, that's wonderful.  I don't wish to take that away from anyone, so if that's the case, then this post probably isn't for you and you can feel free to stop reading now.  I won't be offended.

Personally, this phrase just doesn't do it for me.

In order for you to understand where I'm coming from, I should explain that I am a recovering perfectionist.  For as long as I can remember, I've had the feeling that nothing I do is quite good enough.  It could -- it should -- always be better.  What's more, I've never been able to shake the feeling that my worth is directly tied to how well I perform and what I achieve.  I feel terrible about myself if something I do doesn't turn out well or if I don't accomplish what I set out to do.  I typically won't even attempt something if I don't think I'll be good at it.  (You know those art nights where everyone leaves with their own stunning, frame-worthy version of the same painting?  You will never see me there, my friend.)

A couple years ago, I decided all of this was a problem and I needed to change my inner dialogue and start telling myself good things about myself in order to feel better about myself.  So I wrote out validating and empowering phrases on notecards and posted them where I would see them often.  Things like (okay, this is kind of embarrassing), "You are beautiful" and "You're a good cook" and, yes, "You are enough."

But no matter how many times I read those notecards, I didn't feel any better about myself.  Which only frustrated me more because now I was failing at this exercise that was supposed to make me feel better.

Looking back, I feel silly for even attempting this.  After all, times in my life when I've actually felt smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough, thin enough, fit enough, feminine enough, stylish enough, or likeable enough have been relatively few and definitely fleeting.  These feelings of not-enough run deep.  It would take more than thinking happy thoughts to overcome them.

Fast-forward to present day: I now have a baby.

I now have a baby, and I feel like my brain is pushed to its limits just from calculating the times between naps and feedings and estimating how much time I have to run errands before he starts to break down.

I now have a baby, and my biggest talent is managing to keep his wriggly feet poo-free while changing his diaper.  (Confession: I'm not even that talented.)

I now have a baby, and I don't have time to put on makeup or style my hair.  Like ever.

I now have a baby, and my body is soft, stretched, scarred, and the shape of a Dr. Seuss character.

I now have a baby, and "dressing up" means wearing my clean jeans and black and white flannel.

I now have a baby, and I no longer have the time or energy to do all the nice, wifely things that I used to do for my husband, like make his breakfasts and lunches or iron his shirts.

I now have a baby, and my biggest accomplishment most days is keeping him alive and well while staying on top of the laundry.

If I struggled with feeling like I was enough before having a baby, then my feelings of insufficiency know no bounds anymore.  When I read, "You are enough," I want to laugh-cry.  I AM NOT ENOUGH.  I know I'm not.  I am not the wife or mother I should be.  I am not the woman I want to be.  But I also know I'm not alone.  Plenty of other women must feel this way too, which is why the "You are enough" phrase keeps getting spread around.  We want so badly to believe it.

What are we to do with that?

Whenever I need to figure something out -- whenever I want Truth with a capital T -- I go to the Bible.  So I went to the Bible.  I wanted to figure out what to do with these feelings of not-enough.  I wanted to know how I'm supposed to feel about myself, according to the God who created me.

The first Scripture that came to me was written by Apostle Paul about a problem he had.  He writes,

"And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.  Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.  And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Wow.  This was the answer I was looking for.  For the sake of brevity, let me break down this passage to its main points:

1. Apostle Paul was given unique visions and revelations of heaven from the Lord, but to keep him humble he was given a "thorn in the flesh."  What was the thorn in the flesh?  Bible scholars have come up with a few possibilities, but most seem to lean towards the likelihood that it was a chronic, physical, aggravating problem Apostle Paul had with his eyes.  (It's helpful to note that in the original language, "thorn" translates more accurately as "tent stake" rather than a mere splinter.)
2. Apostle Paul begged the Lord to make his problem go away.
3. "And He said to [Paul], 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'"
   

Are the same bells going off for you that they did for me?  Sufficient.  Another word for "enough."  (!)

Was Paul enough?  No, he had a thorn in his flesh.  Something was wrong with him.  Something that was always bothering him.  When he asked God to take away this thing, did God say, "Paul, you are enough"?  Nope.  Did God say, "Okay, Paul, I'll take away your thorn and make you enough"?  Nope again.  (Do I enjoy asking rhetorical questions and then answering them myself?  Yes!)  God's answer was, "My grace is [enough] for you" (emphasis added).  Not only that, but he added this: "for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

If my feelings of being not-enough are a thorn in my flesh -- however trivial compared to the thorn of Paul and many others -- and, like Paul, I haven't been able to get rid of this chronic, nagging thorn, then maybe the answer is not to get rid of it.  Perhaps the Lord would also say to me, "My grace is sufficient for you."

When we consider this issue at its core biblically, the fact is none of us are enough.  The entire Gospel message is that we are all doomed sinners in desperate need of salvation that only God can provide through His mercy and grace.  How could we possibly think that anything about us is enough?

"But we are all like an unclean thing,

And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags." (Isaiah 64:6a)

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God." (2 Corinthians 3:5)

Likewise, Paul's narrative teaches us that it isn't about our excellence, our strength, or trying to make ourselves feel better or strong or like we're enough.  It's about God's grace and His supernatural strength, which manifest in and cover our weakness when we seek His help.

I don't know about you, but this is a hard one for me to grasp.  Weakness = a good thing?  We're supposed to feel not-enough?  But why would God want us weak, at a disadvantage?  Paul said his thorn in the flesh was given to him "lest [he] should be exalted above measure."

When you look up the words "humble" or "humility" in the Bible, virtually all references are overwhelmingly positive, unanimous that humility is highly valued by God, not to mention ultimately necessary for salvation.  The opposite of humility is pride, which repulses God and is a precursor to man's own destruction.

"When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2)

"A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor." (Proverbs 29:23)

"Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility." (Proverbs 18:12)

"For You will save the humble people, but will bring down haughty looks." (Psalm 18:27)

"And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Matthew 23:12)

"But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

'God resists the proud,

But gives grace to the humble.'" (James 4:6)

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." (James 4:10)

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time." (1 Peter 5:6)

I could go on and on with Scriptures that all confirm the same thing: We are not to be prideful of ourselves but humble.  When we understand that, we can follow Paul's example and embrace our thorns in the flesh as gifts from God because they keep us humble and aware of our need for His grace and strength.  Moreover, we can rejoice like Paul in our weakness "that the power of Christ may rest upon [us]."  As Paul puts it, "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I know I'm making this sound easier than it is.  The truth is humility isn't easy.  We don't like feeling less than or not enough.  We want to feel strong and confident and proud of ourselves.  I know I do.  But, perhaps, "lest [we] should be exalted above measure," we have these feelings that humble us for our own good.  And for that matter, because they're true, whether we like it or not.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who would tell me and women who have a thorn in the flesh like me that our problem is we don't have enough self-esteem.  That we don't understand our worth or value ourselves as we should.  Oprah or Jillian Michaels would probably tell us that we need to work on loving ourselves.

Love thyself?  Is that the answer?

Again, when we look to the Bible, this whole movement of loving ourselves and telling ourselves that we're enough just doesn't fly.

"For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Galatians 5:14)

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." (Ephesians 5:29)

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." (Philippians 2:3)

"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another." (Romans 12:10)

"Be of the same mind toward one another.  Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble.  Do not be wise in your own opinion." (Romans 12:16)

"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

Nowhere in the Bible are we instructed to love ourselves.  Rather, the Bible says that we already love ourselves; what we are told repeatedly is to love others.

Nowhere in the Bible are we instructed to build up our self-esteem or confidence.  Instead, we're to esteem others as better than ourselves "in lowliness of mind."  We are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think.

I know this may sound kind of mean and super discouraging to some people, but the truth is I'm not enough and you aren't enough... But it's okay.  Even for a recovering perfectionist like me, it's okay.  Why?  Because rather than trying, trying, trying to convince myself that I'm enough, I can acknowledge my not-enoughness peacefully and instead receive the Lord's grace and tap into His strength to fill in the gaps of my insufficiency.

I've focused primarily on my particular thorn in the flesh here, but your thorn in the flesh may be entirely different than mine.  Maybe it's something causing you physical distress like Paul's thorn.  Maybe it's a person in your life who plagues you.  Maybe it's your lack of occupational advancement or financial success.  Whatever has been nagging at you, keeping you down, or holding you back, maybe it's time to stop trying to get rid of your thorn and instead accept it.  Maybe it's the very thing that's keeping you humble and the Lord is using to draw you closer to Him.

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?'" (Matthew 16:24-26a)